I Found This Tape

An Anonymous Wall of Digital Sound

2012-02-04T21:17:00.000-08:00

010 START
020 REM "ananonymouswallofdigitalsound"
030 PRINT "No message"
040 GOTO 020
040 END

In Search of a Paper Bag

2012-01-27T17:56:00.000-08:00

The hallways will always get longer, lined with pictures of former supervisors and chiefs of staff, their facial hair strange and foreign to modern eyes. Linoleum echos of footsteps on hard, waxed surfaces reverberate. Cold florescence. An edifice. A monolith.

One day it will be our faces on the wall. Distant memories. Questionable fashion choices. Yet the edifice remains.

(It was the Greeks who got it right, not Shakespeare. Our tragedies are not the fault of fatal flaws. They are the inevitable result monolithic, unmovable forces of nature.)

Best New Dreams, 2012

2012-01-10T18:50:00.000-08:00

1. I find the ultra-rare first Poison record that everyone wants...the punk one with the cover that is reminiscent of the Minor Threat discography, only it's Brett Michaels in blue and black relief. I show it to everyone I know. No one cares.

2. I get a job at an antiques dealership, only to discover that there is a sinister, real-life role-playing game going on in the back room. Quickly, I realize that my job is not to stock antiques but to figure out who is trying to kill me. Everyone I know is there; everyone is a suspect. I turn around to realize that I am suddenly alone. The warehouse doors are closed, and there is water pouring in from under them. The room is quickly filling with water. I climb a pile of junk to a skylight and escape to the roof. When I return to street-level, I can see that everything in the antique shop is damp, but the water is gone. I go back into the store and head to the bosses office. Behind that door is the person who tried to kill me. I open the door, and sitting behind the desk is a glowing red cat. I pick the cat up by the neck, choke it, and throw it out the window.

Top

2011-12-27T19:39:00.000-08:00

Colin Stetson, New History Warfare Volume Two: Judges
Jazz arpeggiator that is good enough to have a hat named for him.

Anatomy Of Habit, s/t
These songs remind me of beermosas.

Shabazz Palaces, Black Up
I liked it even better when they were named after bugs.

Das Racist, Relax
I think I laugh at a new place every time, but it might just be the same place.

Liturgy, Aesthethica
Hipster black metal trolls, like in the Internet sense.

Raphael Saadiq, Stone Rollin'
Because everyone wants to live when there is such a thing as Soul music.

Bon Iver, Bon Iver, Bon Iver
Big ups to Bon Iver for rekindling my love of Phil Collins.

I Just Watched "Big" and I Have Some Issues with It

2011-12-23T11:23:00.000-08:00

1. From Mrs. Baskin's perspective, this is a movie about child molestation.
2. If I was a grown woman and a guy took me back to his loft to show me his trampoline and blow-up Godzilla, I would get the fuck out.
3. Having your boss catch you playing Lazer Tag in a toy store gets you fired, not promoted.
4. From Mrs. Patterson's perspective, this is a movie about a toy executive who invites young boys into his office, and probably molests them.
5. At some point, Susan realizes she's been sleeping with a 13-year-old. Shouldn't she, like, vomit?
6. The part where Susan says, "You won't even remember me." and Josh says, "Oh, yes I will." is supposed to be touching, but actually its creepy.

Top 9 Dreams, 2011

2011-12-23T09:02:00.000-08:00

1. I have a deck of cards, but it is not the right type.
2. Those black dots are hurting Tom Hanks.
3. I didn't know that what I made was meth, so how could I have known I was giving meth out to children?
4. Camping in a blank space.
5. I think maybe it had something to do with sledding?
6. I have the worst class I could possibly imagine, but I am teaching them at the beach.
7. Driving on a foggy road on a cliff, listening to Santana.
8. Double wide airplane, almost missing the connecting flight, second plane crashes, buying candy at the duty-free shop, the airport parking lot is deserted.
9. Lawn ornament turns into Jesus, I say, "Jee-SUS!," Jesus says, "Whassup?!" (reissue)

Dick Army

2011-12-09T19:47:00.000-08:00

I just read the entirety of this blog, and cannot believe that none of it existed before my move to California . I cannot fathom life before ifoundthistape, but fathoming life before life before the Golden State is quite, quite easy. Are all the parts of me parts of me? HMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

In these proclamitory moments, I choose an inaudible tone of voice. Not gravel and screaming, but jumbled, for, as it turns out, I'm a writer who is scared of what he will write.

Maybe I'll delete this. Burzum is Neu-ian.

Dick Army

2011-12-09T19:11:00.000-08:00

DickarmydIckarmydiCkarmydicKarmydickArmydickaRmydickarMydickarmYDIckarmydICkarmydiCKarmydicKArmydickARmydickaRMydickarMYdickarmYDIckarmyDICkarmydICKarmydiCKArmydicKARmydickARMydickaRMYdickarMYDIckarmYDICKarmyDICKarmydICKArmydiCKARmydicKARMydickARMYdickARMYDickaRMYDIckarMYDICkarmYDICKArmyDICKARmydICKARMydiCKARMydicKARMYDiCARMYDiCARMYDiCARMYDiCARMYDiCARMYDiCARMYDiCARMYDiCARMY!

Dick Army

2011-12-09T18:22:00.000-08:00

We
are a spilled drink,
seeping towards the edge
of the table,
waiting to be
sopped up,
or to tumble, free,
over the side.

We--
on the other hand--
are
a spilled drink
seeping
towards
the edge
of the
table waiting
to be sopped
up to tumble
free
over
the side.

Dick Army

2011-12-08T19:19:00.000-08:00

14 and then the getaway. Let loose. Forget the yellow fever fever, its time to yell "drop this. drop this on a hot footed left foot and leave it .l e a v e it for the dogs to eat. but the dogs can't even et cheese? constipation you say?"

Inside the green zone, Newt Gingrich's name's being tossed about, as in "waht do you want for Christmas?" "I don't know, just not a Newt Gingrich. I'm so sick of Newt Gingriches."

If I think I'm going crazy, then it means I'm really not, right?

2011-11-16T20:21:00.000-08:00

I keep
hearing voices
in the trees: telephone
"hello"s "keep to the
right!"s
and
"Would
you
want to
raise a
child in
a world
where
Chipotle
exists?"

Well then

2011-11-12T18:38:00.000-08:00

Once when I was littler, there was a rest stop. Inside, there was a bathroom made of metal, but it still smelled like acrid urine, like piss had been bleached into the small, evicerous holes of stainless steel. There are some things that permeate anything. There are some things that will not leave. Just now, another friend (acquaintance, classmate, well-wisher, whatever) died. Just now, a hole emerged in place where I had not known there was matter.

In the spaces between these letters, I've put on music full of melancholy; I've found another beer; I've wondered where there sweetness that lingers on my fingers came from; I watched my dog find a more comfortable place.

And now as the trumpet proclaims, as the man sings, as I cannot finish a, ok, no. Now, as I realize it will not end, I realize it will not end. That from this point forward, it will be ubiquitous, a Facebook post, a singing saw, all around in the ether, the fish sauce spilled in the bowl, the stack of mail, the mounting debt... it is here. The accordion key. The signal that sounds in the dark.

The dark.

I went out to see the moon, orange and bulbous, a pumpkin in the sky. All I saw was the midnight blue of west coast twilight.

I miss him. I miss Jim and Kev and Myles and Tim and Sean. Its too soon to accept this truth; but tramps like us, baby, we were born to
die.

Plagiarism

2011-11-12T10:51:00.000-08:00

To stroke my narcissism, I was just searching the Internet for this blog when I came upon this yahoo question: Can your write me a haiku about quantum physics? The reply? The one chosen as best answer? It is remarkably similar to this blog post. And by similar, I mean plagiarized. And yes, I did just link to my own blog on my own blog. But as if stealing my brilliance wasn't enough, the nameless person who stole my poem followed it up with, "its not that good...sorry."

In my mind, this unnamed plagiarizer had three options when s/he came across this request for quantum physics haiku:

1. Make up a haiku
2. Find a good haiku on the Internet and pretend like you wrote it
3. Nothing.

Here's my question for Yahoo! brand Questions: Why would someone steal a haiku s/he thinks is bad and claim it as his/her own?

Maybe someone can copy and paste an answer for me.

One more for the road

2011-11-08T22:48:00.000-08:00

Blah blah blah something that barely makes sense, even to me blah blah blah

This counts.

Going for the record

2011-11-08T22:35:00.000-08:00

I've not blogged like this since 2008, the Year of the Blog. Its time to get this blog roll a rolling! Time to blog up to the blogosphere! Love, lift us up where we b-log! This is my blog cabin! Let's pull some peat moss from this blog to keep us warm all winter. Bloglight Savings Time. The morning blog, lifting from the sea.

We b-log to the light
We b-log to the thunder
We b-log to the sound of the words
We've both blog-rolled under

Whatever we deny or embrace
For worse or for better
We b-log, we b-log
We b-log together!

The blog run! Blogster! Blogman! Blog-gone it! You'll be punished with a severe blogging! Blog it up! What I'm saying is, "Self, you need to set a personal blog best and make blog thousand blogleven the new Year of the Blog Part II: Electric Blogaloo."

Soon my tooth will have a crown

2011-11-08T22:28:00.000-08:00

i will have to wait until tttomorrow to say what needs to be said: There are lives at stake, you know. Rather than yell out names, say "This Christine person, she thinks God talks to her." Rather than that

I

will

remain

silent.

It is my right.

The collective unconscious

2011-10-23T19:33:00.000-07:00

I am over-caffeinated. Tired from stimulants. A cup of coffee that tasted like salt. Vague anxiety. . Lazy indifference. I have a bag of paper I am leaving alone, a tomorrow I'm not sure what to do with.

In other news, there's a lot of red in this game, the walls are bare down here, and I'm not sure how this laundry will ever be put away.

Patriotic learned behavior

2011-10-11T20:04:00.000-07:00

History is the study of a name someone made up.

Its all a mash so how do you make it come out in any coherent way?

2011-09-29T17:54:00.000-07:00

How do you separate the standing in front of your grammar school in the shade of the gym, waiting for the teachers to open the doors, the safety patrol (younger than you) snapping like pitbulls when you step out of the single file line to whack another student with your oversized pencil case from the singer pleading "Fair thee well" and the heart and the hands strumming, the anger in his pleasantries, invented on a train? How do you do it when, in fact, you are the teacher savoring the last few minutes of morning quiet and you are the student hitting another and you are the one being hit. You are the safety patrol pitbull and you've never even seen a pitbull and you are the singer strumming for forty years, outcast for choosing to plug in?

Maybe I am not a professional basketball player, but I am happy with this ending.

2011-09-28T22:20:00.000-07:00

I am happy with this ending: Mike Colado, sunken living room sleep over, truth or dare and magic mushroom pizza, sixth grade, the gods must be crazy and goonies, too much soda. The pool out back, his father's mustache like the shag carpet we slept on. The unbreakable coffee mug we hit with a hammer. I am happy with this ending.

His house, though, on a hill: I cannot seem to place it on the map in my mind.

This just happened, though it could also be a lyric from a Bob Dylan song

2011-09-21T17:43:00.000-07:00

Mona Lisa was drunk in the park on a Wednesday, and when I walked by she asked me to dance. As she twirled me, she asked for my name, but she mistook what I said for "Truth."

Local Haiku

2011-09-13T17:17:00.000-07:00

In the room's still heat

old women discuss a fu-

ture that is not theirs.

Martin marched forward forwardly as the hall collapsed, leaving the throne buried beneath a pile of pillars.

2011-09-12T20:59:00.000-07:00

My ankles tell me it is time for a diet.

I'm lost again, here in the world and following, heading in a straight line

2011-09-11T17:20:00.000-07:00

The forgotten narrative of the black geek, blowing up model airplanes for his onlooking friends viewing through movie binoculars, buried beneath all the rest of us.

The bike path covered in rattlesnakes, thick and agitated, threatening death. We stop and look, take out our smart phones for a picture. This is how the story goes.

Dear Train, I wrote these lyrics for you.

2011-08-25T20:44:00.000-07:00

I bought a rugged rug and placed on the floor she said, like a bandstand outward bound assistant would...typical. The bars on the plaque were a nice touch though. Is teeth plaque spelled the same as award plaque? If so I am very decorated.

Pleasing people is easy if all you do is say that's fine. that's fine mr. ant. i will have some more green bananas if you want me to. What the difference between bananas and bananus? Its the anus, obviously. Obviously, its u.

Lesser than grain is yardwork. Lesser than yard work is the yard itself, a green pasture for fucking nothing to eat. FUCK LAWNS.

In other news, there are three CCR records displayed on the floor, but two of them are the same. It is not the season for gift wrap, and a big blue book is telling me not to eat this.

What I tried to tag this with: its good to be back, dear train, i love train, train is the best band, i wish train were here right now, maybe you should try listening to train, q: how many train cds do you have? a: all of them, it should have read 'tis not the season for gift wrap

i woke myself up to write this, posted it on anna's blog in my sleepstate, and moved it here

2011-06-08T23:03:00.000-07:00

I've made a map of/in my dreams, a place I've been many times now: a sullen road on a mountain cliff, a bank of stores on a soft turn down, taffy and popcorn, baseball hats. Down the road, the moss overtakes the brown on the seaside, but look up to the right, where the ascending hill should be, up is blank.

Farther up the road, uphill, is a campsite where an impending sense of doom resides. I feel anxious i/o/n this landscape, and at home.

lyrics for my black metal band about bicycling

2011-05-20T18:13:00.000-07:00

the abstraction of sky
the glance behind sunglasses
foot locked, wide laned

they are actively trying to run me over.

race the train
dehydration
no one cares
no one pays attention

the taste of blood.

If you almost shut your eyes, the world becomes a blur (but not really)

2011-05-02T15:05:00.016-07:00

When we were young and on the way home from Joliet from family gatherings (in the white cushioned chair, high backed and gold leafed, up on the carpet like a dry riverbed, I had slapped my aunt for eating my Christmas present candy), the moon would follow us. Peering out of the Caravan window, I watch it stay even with us on the highway because, it too, was going where we were, at an even pace.

Since then, though, it has been held in stasis by scientific maturity.

Congrats on Life Haiku

2011-04-29T17:17:00.000-07:00

Yelling through your blue
tooth with your car window down
in a parking lot.

Jars of Clay Davis

2011-04-20T14:03:00.000-07:00

I just checked my ifoundthitape blog stats and saw that googling "the wire-shhhhhhiiiiiit" led some poor soul to this goddamm blog. I feel so honored. The following is a list of things that hopefully someday someone will search and lead them to this god-forsaken place:

Beastie Boys Bob Dylan sample

mustache + competition

cuuuuuuuttttte pugs

Mr. T iced tea

aabbccddeeffgghhiijjkkllmmnnooppqqrrssttuuvvwwxxyyzz

Cat Massage

luke burbank drunk photo

kelly kapowski fan club

MHC my horsemeat company

toenail collection

gary debusey celebrity apprentice

riders on the storm gutters inc

U2b

humanure

Yesterday, I saw two teenagers jump off the Tower Bridge and other Items

2011-04-15T12:14:00.000-07:00

Item! Yesterday, I saw two teenagers jump off the Tower Bridge. One was slightly more prepared than the other, and had brought a wet suit. I had just got on the bridge as I saw their heads go over the side. I pulled my bicycle over to the side at the point where I had last seen them. They were laughing and trying to catch their breath from the cold. I watched until they swam to shore, relieved that I would not have to put off dinner to call an ambulance or a morgue boat. Kids these days.

Item! Frozen na'an from Trader Joe's is delicious. I had decided this even before I had tried it. And then, when I tried it, I continued to believe the previously stated statement.

Item! For the next 10 days, I will be living like a king, assuming kings wake up at 10 am to watch The Price Is Right and then spend the rest of the day trying to find cable television shows on the internet. That is how kings live, correct?

Item! I know this is old news, but it is still hard to believe that Michael Jackson is a dead pop star rather than a living pedophile.

One of those kids throwing stones and calling for revolution will one day be corrupt and fat with power. Also Ben Weasel punched a woman.

2011-04-01T17:03:00.000-07:00

History is the story of people becoming what they hate.

Quantum Physics Haiku

2011-03-23T23:06:00.000-07:00

in the parallel
mirrors of the barber shop
i see myself as

infinite

Four alarm

2011-03-14T07:10:00.000-07:00

The fireman at the fro-yo.
The fireman at the icee stand.

The fireman gettin' an icee with ice cream in it.
The fireman picking toppings for his fro-yo.

Manual shift, five speed.

2011-03-12T10:20:00.000-08:00

at some point, I realized that when I had been looking, everything was upside-down. That those pinnacles in the distance behind me were actually troughs, and that this slow, coasting descent was a climb to a peak I have not yet known.

I was fooled because we've climbed so effortlessly, free from a lactic burn in our legs. So let's pick up the pace, let's move so fast that everything stands still.

Naturally

2011-03-05T00:17:00.000-08:00

Naturally, I am awaiting the return of the rap superstar. Waiting for Barry Bonds's acquittal (we are ALL Barry Bonds, don't you get it?!?). Waiting for what comes next. Will I ever think he is more than just barely competent? The studies are currently being analyzed by top scientists. A water bottle and a coke bottle: what is next?

In other news: s's s's s's s's s's s's s's s's s's s's s's s's s's s's s's s's s's s's s's s's s's s's s's s's s's, martini glasses are all the rage, this fishy smell indicates something is fishy, and I am still full from dinner and 3 Zombie brownies.

My Children's Album

2011-02-27T16:45:00.000-08:00

1. Let Mommy Sleep (She Is Suffering from Depression)

2. Your Mouth Stinks!

4. What's For Breakfast? (No, I'm Asking You. I'm Sick of Making Your Goddamn Breakfast)

5. When Daddy Goes to Work, It Means He Loves You (But Not Mommy)

6. Party in the Bathroom! (Wiping Our Buttholes)

7. Judge Mathis is Kind of Like Big Bird

8. Let's Have a Nap for Lunch!

9. Time For a Beer (Daddy's Home)

10. Spaghetti Looks (and Tastes) Like Brains

11. Bedtime Spanking

Two-Word Record Reviews of Things I Downloaded Today

2011-02-26T12:45:00.000-08:00

1. "The King of Limbs" by Radiohead--Finally cohesive.
2. "Bastard" by Tyler, The Creator--Scary asshole.
3. "Sit Down, Man" by Das Racist--LOL (jk)

That place was great.

2011-02-03T21:12:00.000-08:00

Remember Catfish Haven? And the origins of "Hey, Donny...Remember what you said about Sean?...That he was a loser?" and the engagement ring in the burger with the Beatles playing and that girl's odd spite towards Shelly and cigs? Remember cigs? And kidnapping pranks and that metal band next door and your impersonation of Anthony Kedis and "It's smooth, it's nice" and living in A-ville and "Ri tried to kiss me" and "Smoking pole" and that time you left practice because you got a message that had Malkmus playing a "In the Mouth a Desert" on it? Remember how we'd write a bunch of songs and then scrap them and write new songs? And your marriage?

These are some of the best times of my life. For serious.

I think, though, that "Warning" was actually made by Arizona. The e-drink you are describing might be Fuze.

Commons

2011-01-27T16:45:00.000-08:00

I go where the bridges go: to the fog sunrise of the Presidio, to the open field (christened "crissy") lapped with bayfog smog water.

Eyes. I am eyes.

I am transparent eyes all seeing seaside in the seconds between each crash. There is silence there and it is a lifetime.

Pending Job Application

2011-01-22T20:57:00.000-08:00

from	Timothy ODonnell
to		writerapps@pitchfork.com
date		Thu, Jul 15, 2010 at 12:29 PM
subject		i will review your albums.

I will be your record reviewer. Here is a little about myself: I have been on television. Would it help if I hated Tim Kinsella? I could make it happen.

All further information that you have requested can be located here on this very popular blog:

ifoundthistape.blogspot.com

We can discuss payment options (you to me) at a later time.

Thank you and good luck.

Tim

Best Music of 2010 Expressed in Mathematic Equations

2011-01-18T20:22:00.000-08:00

1. (P/h8)(RZA + bI) = "My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy" by Kanye West

2. (SbSS + iiiii) - Jarboe = "My Father Will Guide Me Up a Rope to the Sky" by Swans

3. M^B = "Daughters" by Daughters

4. SR/|nSR| = "Shut Up, Dude" by Das Racist

5. dN(dN + (MIA/n)) = "Treats" by Sleigh Bells

6. SbSS + dN = "LeNoise" by Neil Young

Wherein:
B = Boredoms
bI = Bon Iver
dN = digital noise
h8 = I hate myself for it
iiiii = repetitive, industrial minimalism
M = McLusky
MIA = MIA
n = not
P = I am such a pervert
RZA = RZA
SbSS = sad-bastard singer-songwriter
SR = serious rap

nothing is untrue

2010-12-20T00:24:00.000-08:00

when I die I will force myself to wake in a basement years ago wrapped in blankets and darkness and your warmth will seep whispering its alright you can fall asleep and I'll drift back and after I'm gone we'll drive through the rain and the hills to sit in front of a fire watching magic and listen to the singer sing nothing is untrue

Sappy Songs

2010-10-08T22:28:00.000-07:00

We were all punks once. All safety pins and patches. Idealism. Pedagogy.

But now that we are older, new ideas are old memories, and because we're out of practice, we tend to iron out the wrinkles in our collars each morning.

More Goddamn Blogs

2010-10-03T19:35:00.000-07:00

I have yet another blog, called March Madnesses. This time, my solipsism takes the form of a bracket.

A Pleathora of Gifts

2010-09-19T21:35:00.000-07:00

Two things written April:

I am
the Vulture who cleans
the flesh from
the bones of
the Deer, who removes
the heart and
the lungs from
the hole in its
Cavity. Here,
here on this road above
the sea.

Hear above the seafoam surges, the crests, and undertow.

---

From the fire I will wield it. Ashen end and embers touched to the face of a foreign dignitary. And we are foreign to foreigners. We are foreign and faces burned for those from foreign lands. From the fire I will wield it. From the fire they will wield.

This Blog is the Fault of The Pogues

2010-09-18T20:49:00.000-07:00

Now when I think of people from the distant past, my first inclination is to look them up on Facebook. Upon searching their names, old faces are replaced with douchebags from Astoria, cockily holding Airsofts with I-don't-care-about-high-school-because-my-dad's-confidently-invested-in-hedgefunds, shit-eating, goddamn grins on their manicured faces.

In that sentence, back there where I typed "invested"? I, at-first, accidentally, typed "infested."

Today on a bike ride, the clouds doubled the size of the hills where Lake Berryessa lay, and I realized that California allows you to predict the future. The clouds pile. Soon it will be summer in Siam. And tomorrow is rain. Tomorrow is rain. Tomorrow is rain.

After a long day Haiku

2010-09-08T16:01:00.000-07:00

I wrapped a poem
around my beer, and I called
it my haikoozie.

Why are you so annoying?

2010-08-29T11:37:00.000-07:00

I'm not annoying; you are.
No, YOU are.
NO, YOU are.
You are.
YOU are.
You ARE.
You are.
YOU ARE.
YOU ARE!
NO YOU ARE.
YOU ARE!
You are.
YOU ARE.
YOU YOU ARE ARE
YYOOUU AARREE.
YOU YOU ARE ARE
YYOOUU AARREE.
YOU YOU ARE ARE
YOU YOU ARE ARE
YYOOUU AARREE.
YAORUE.
You are.
YYOOUU AARREE.

Black Hole Sun (of man)

2010-08-24T15:28:00.000-07:00

Scientists have hypothesized that exact copies of this blog (this blog) exist in unfathomable numbers throughout the universe. Even this letter : l. This fact either proves or disproves the existence of God*. There is no room for agnostics.

It Will Take Place in the Past

2010-07-19T22:11:00.000-07:00

Today at summer camp, our instructor gave us about 1.5 hours to work on two poems, which would have been great if we were not supposed to be learning how to prepare students for AP English. Here's what I wrote:

Curriculum Vitae

1)Born into the wind--the Daley City, the city of Sandburgs.
2)Young days like (________________). The breezy trees. The all night hide and seek. The ka-chunk of car locks when we leave the bliss of our neighborhood.
3)A High school looped in tall buildings--black steel for businessmen, red brick for the poor we locked car doors for.
4) Awkward conversations, Hog-butchered attempts at dates.
5) Leavinghome|moreschool. Independence is a fake ID.
6) Disconnect. Death of friends. I go away to Europe.
7) 75 resumes become a job at a newspaper in the middle of nowhere. More alcohol than ever.
8) Back to school, which is much better when you care, and better still when what you care about is caring about the impetus of locked car doors.
9) I start teaching. I meet you. I end teaching.
10) For two weeks, I am a rock star in New Zealand. (This is not metaphor. It should be read literally.)
11) The move. The drive. The new home.
12) Teaching again and you are still here. Happiness follows.

It will take place in the past.

It starts with the sun and an onion
Oil and garlic
Fire and metal.
She's up early (She is always up early but
she makes sure everyone knows
when she's up early for the sauce).

Sizzles and pops

Meat is next--strange, grizzled pieces saved
From the trash.
(The animals are unknown and never the same but with a little red wine they become mythical.)

Sizzles and pops
And then the tomatoes, a boil
And then the lid. The reduction of fire.

(Meanwhile we are at the table preparing pasta like unionless autoworkers assembling a vehicle.)

That night, at the last moment, we eat
together.

Midlife Crisis

2010-07-15T09:28:00.000-07:00

I wanted to have a blog called "Manifest Destiny" but last night when I went to write it, I couldn't remember the title so I called it "Midlife Crisis" instead. We've reached the other coast and the lawn is refusing water. The termites are back. The sun becomes oppressive around 5 pm. There is little culture here, so those who crave it express it as hillbillies would: backwards and extreme. Or was that extremely backwards? I have grapes in the fridge, cold and firm, but not frozen as I'd prefer.

My summer vacation

2010-07-14T16:32:00.000-07:00

It has been a really long time, hasn't it?
I'd say! Last time I heard from you, I was pregnant.
You are no longer pregnant?
No.
How did it end?
Positively.
That is a relief.
What has been going on?
Well, the wound has healed, but the bleeding has not subsided.
?
What?
I said, "?" as in, "I do not understand."
What do you not understand: vocabulary or concepts?
Concepts.
OK then. I was worried about that and I can now see the source of your confusions.
Will you be able to clarify them?
I do not thi.nk so. I, too, am conceptually confused, or possibly mislead.
Is that the proper punctuation?
Speech has no punctuation.
Granted, but you paused awkwardly.
Did I?
Have you read that poem?
"Did I?"
"I, too"
Oh yes indeed.
I, too!
Let's discuss the punctuation in said poem.
My left foot is asleep. Which one am I again?
How do you mean?
How do I mean about discussing the poem or the nature of my existence?
Existence. Am I pregnant or wounded?
Well neither of us is pregant.
Neither in the nether regions wounded.
Is the Netherlands a place you are not supposed to view?
I have thought about this often. I also wonder if dutch is a bastard version of deutsch.
Wow.
I know.

True Story

2010-01-11T17:56:00.000-08:00

As I was walking around the Sacramento Co-op the yesterday, I overheard an employee guiding a couple through the store, helping them pick out what to buy. I was intrigued, naturally, so I followed. They had decided that they were going on a gluten-free diet, starting tat day, and they had apparently cornered this employee and got her to show them what in the store was gluten-free. It was unclear whether these two actually knew what gluten was. Here were my favorite quotes:

"Honey, we're going to need some vegetables. Why don't you go grab a jar of pickles?"

"Oh, so rice cakes don't have gluten in them?"

Clerk: This cereal is gluten free. (points to healthy-looking box of cereal).

Her: Oh I don't know if we are going to go THAT far. My baby loves sweet. (grabs box of Cap'n Crnch-like cereal)

Remember Dance Punk?

2009-12-29T18:52:00.000-08:00

The Best Albums of the 00s

After extensive thought and research, I bring to you the following lists for the past decade, which technically ends next year (00s is pronounced "the zeros" or "the ooo's"):

THE Album of the '00s

"The Grey Album" by Danger Mouse: I am not purporting that this album was the best of the 00's, or that I even particularly like it (I don't dislike it by any means). However, like disco defined the 70s and grunge defined the 90s, the mashup is the genre that will define the 00s, good or bad. I do not have the authority to say this was the first "mashup" album. It did, though, bring the genre to the forefront. Nirvana's "Nevermind" was by no means the first "grunge" album, but it definitely defines the genre, and the decade for that matter. "The Grey Album" is quintessentially oos: its a mashup, it was made by one person with a computer, it had no official release but got huge over the Internet. How could this not be the album of the decade?

The Top 13 Albums of the 00s
The following selections are what I consider to be the best albums of the 00s. It was culled from the albums that iTunes added to the smart playlist I created with the perameters "year greater than 1999." If, for some reason, a really great 00s album did not come up in that playlist, it did not make my list. I consider this a very 00s way of narrowing the field. The selections are ranked...#1 is my favorite album of the oos, etc. Lets do this:

1. "The College Dropout" by Kanye West: There are those who claim that there was not good music made this decade. Those people do not listen to hip hop. Rap music in particular made tremendous leaps in the past 10 years, and Kanye West was responsible for more than a few of them. Though all of his albums have been my favorite for a certain time, his debut is still the standout. There is not an unlistenable track on this album. Lyrically, Kanye takes a decidedly un-Gangta and un-Pop Star approach to otherwise cliched subject matter (the latter of which changed for the second half of his output).

2. "A Ghost Is Born" by Wilco: Yes, "Yankee Hotel Foxtrot" is the obvious choice, but in terms of not compromising listenability for experimentation, this is the Wilco album for me. Unforgiving guitar solos, well crafted songs, kraut rock marathons. If it wasn't for "I'm A Wheel," this album would be at the top of my list.

3. "Hell Hath No Fury" by Clipse: From the opening track's stuttering accordion and vato sample, "Hell Hath No Fury" is unrelenting. Pharell's minimalism accents the fury (to use an obvious adjective) of the coke-dealers-turned-rappers' lyrics.

4. "The Hill" by Richard Buckner: 15 or so songs, but only one track. Minimal instrumentation. 0 dollars spent on recording. Poems from Edgar Lee Masters's "Spoon River Anthology" serve as lyrics. Cigaratte-scarred, baritone vocals. I am in love with the sizzle of the tape-hiss shaker percussion. When this album starts, I must listen until its over. Already a dinosaur in the age of iPod shuffles.

5. "Yoyoyoyoyoyoyoyo" by Spank Rock: The Baltimore duo's only full length record is, from start to finish, one dirty, dirty dance party. The beats and music sound like 2 Live Crew played from a digital wrist watch. The lyrics make me blush. Seriously.

OK. I'm running out of things to say. Here's the rest with minimal BS.

6. "Madvilliany" by Madvillian: Madlib + MF Doom + supervillian samples = ilistenalot

7. "Kala" by M.I.A.: Repeating the same lyrics over beats stolen from Brazilian favelas turned out to be a great idea.

8. "Jesu" by Jesu: What metal needed was more New Agey synthesizer leads.

9. "McLusky Do Dallas" by McLusky: Steps to success: 1. Rip off the Pixies 2. Rip off the Jesus Lizard 3. Write absurdly sexual lyrics 4. Be from Wales.

10. "Who Will Cut Our Hair When We're Gone?" by the Unicorns: Fey pop with lots of synths and hooks.

11. "808s and Heartbreak" by Kanye West: Kanye somehow makes all the horrible trends in late 00s pop sound good. Artist of the decade?

12. "Ys" by Joanna Newsom: The first time I heard Joanna sing, I thought, "At least her songs aren't 17 minutes long." Then she made Ys and I was all, "DAMN!"

13. "Unhistories" by Singer: Former U.S. Maple members let non-U.S. Maple members pretend like they're in U.S. Maple. The results? Better than U.S. Maple.

The Best Music of 2009

2009-12-27T20:40:00.000-08:00

In the early fall, Anna and I went down to SF to see a show at the Great American Music Hall. There were two bands on the ball I was interested in seeing: WHY?, the headliner and object of my obsession for the past year or two, and Serengeti, the Chicago-based rapper responsible for my tendancy to call the Chicago-based grocery store "Jules" as Chicago-ed out as possible. Prior to the show, I was told by my friend Ed that one of the two other bands playing, Mount Eerie, had recently moved away from noisy indie rock and folk for a try at black metal. Needless to say, I was intrigued.

So...we got to the show about 15 minutes before the official start time, wanting to make sure we did not miss 'Geti in his opening slot. But as we walk in, the fourth and previously-unmentioned-in-this-blog-because-of their-mediocrity band AU began playing, though they were listed to play second on the bill. "Bah, they must have told these guise go on before Serengeti," I said to myself. (I speak to myself in a Chicago accent.) But 40 minutes later, Mount Eerie sets up. Serengeti had been forced to play before the official start of the show. I was mad.

So...Mount Eerie had two drummers, one of whom played a massive gong as if it were a ride. The set was devastating. They essentially played the "Wind's Poem" album, but I did not know this because I had not heard it. Sheets of impossibly fast noise subsided for Phil Elvrum's plaintiff singing. And then more pummeling. I realized that the only reason I don't listen to more black metal is the horrible and ridiculous singers.

Then WHY? played, and the room full of teenagers began moshing to a set Yoni's lyrics about deviant sex and suicide.

Anyways, it turns out that my three favorite albums of 2009 were from bands at this show, which means I'm still sour over the fact that I missed Serengeti.

Here's an incomplete list:

1. "Wind's Poem" by Mount Eerie--Black metal and sad bastard singing go perfect together.

2. "Eskimo Snow" by WHY?--Whiny rapper turned into whiny pop star

3. "Pterodactyl" by Serengeti and Polyphonic--Lazy schizophrenic rapping over beats made from spare change in the future.

4. All those Crystal Shards albums--They are good. Call Ed to burn them.

5. & 6. "Merriweather Post Pavilion" by Animal Collective and "Bitte Orca" by Dirty Projectors--Thanks, NPR!

7. Jesu vinyl reissues--Finally the "Heartache," "Pale Sketches," and "Lifeline" are available. I'm pretty sure they were not reissued this year, but I don't care. I spent a night paralyzed by these records.

this blog is fiction, this principle haiku

2009-10-29T22:10:00.000-07:00

minor concussion
due to a direct hit by
a taco salad

Words that come out of my mouth that make me hate me

2009-10-16T09:01:00.000-07:00

There are few things more grating to my ears (and that simultaneously feel more comfortable flowing from my tongue) than beginning an anecdote with, "I heard this thing on NPR the other day...", but goddamn if RadioLab is not one of the best things I got going right now (besides regular, interpersonal human contact, of course). Equal parts science and psychedelia, RadioLab approaches the "This American Life" concept of a one-theme-per-show/tangential-story thing like Sun-Ra would have, had he become a radio loser instead of a drug addict. Oh, and its by far the most well-produced show on the radio right now--so much so that until just recently, I did not even realize it was science-themed. I thought it was called "RadioLab" because of how they experiment with the format of a radio talk show. Sadly, it comes on randomly on the NPRs we have here in the valley closest to the West Coast, but in this age of podcast, I listen on MY schedule. The "11 Meditations on the Afterlife" episode is not to be missed.

Postscript: I considered following the "I heard this thing on NPR the other day..." part of this blog with this sentence: But I guess its unavoidable when a Facebook poll tells you that 100% of your friends are Democrats. It was at that point that I realized (a) there is a way to start an anecdote that is slightly MORE grating than talking about NPR and (b) what a total effing nerd I am.

Rise, rock.

2009-10-12T18:58:00.000-07:00

Its like sometimes like I hear it and I'm paralyzed. Its like I'm frozen like in one of the layers like and I can't break free of it and don't want to. But then I try and try and try to and am stuck there like like like I am want be equal parts stuck and unstuck stuck again and again. This is what what happens when I listen too close. Like this part is crunch doom and this part is chiming sad and this one is slow pounding. Like where would you want to get stuck??? None and all none and all none and all.

In other news, the caps lock keeps turning on mysteriously, causing me to delete and rewrite and wonder if I'm erasing pure gold never to be recreated; the dog has found a ball he thinks is his baby; the new monolith is made of cardboard; and we have passed to the other side of air conditioner season.

Shhhhhhiiiiiit

2009-10-07T19:32:00.000-07:00

Its been a long time since blogging, but you know what fuckers? I am back. With cursing. Assholes.

Two quick notes on Music

2009-07-03T14:20:00.000-07:00

1. Maybe I'm way behind here but the hobnox audiotool is the best thing ever. If you have not clicked and visited yet, the tool simulates the TR-808, TR-909, and TB-303, as well as a sine wave sequencer and a battery of effects. So much time wasted thusfar.

2. Deerhunter's "Cryptograms" is such a better album than "Microcastles." There is not even an argument.

Sometimes I blog things so I don't forget them.

2009-04-24T09:02:00.000-07:00

The only thing you need to know in order to write a good story is that those deep, dark fears and insecurities and loathings you keep tucked away deep down are actually universal truths.

Thanks for making my day, Spike Lee Haiku

2009-04-02T12:13:00.000-07:00

humanity be-
low Sewer Pipe geysering--
10 ft. high. Risen.

Writing

2009-03-11T12:13:00.000-07:00

Usually going back and reading things I wrote years ago induces vomiting for me. But last night, as I was planning my poetry unit for my Sophomores, I went back and took a look at some things, "poems" if you will, that I'd saved; and I have to say, they were not that bad. Actually made me wish I had stuck to the writing thing. Oh well.

Late Work

2009-03-02T12:14:00.000-08:00

I am hungrier than usual in this early afternoon, and will therefore consume untainted peanut butter and an apple ahead of its time. I am currently unsure how this ripple in the day's normal course of events may disrupt the path of our collective lives, so brace yourself. If, all of a sudden, your car breaks down on a large bridge with a tendancy to sway in the wind and if that breakdown causes you to miss a crucial job interview and that missed job interview results in your continued unemployment, which causes your husband/wife to no longer look at you as a pillar of strength and stability and instead you are now viewed as a worm a leach a burden and you can't stand it any more you just can't stand it but there's nothing you can do and you wake up one morning to find your husband/wife has become a note, a piece of paper on a pillow with "i'm sorry" written in a hurry and you are never the same again you age and turn grey alone, you keep a journal on those bedsheets you woke in and your house and health disintegrate until you are forgotten and inside. If that happens, blame the apple. If you find some cash today, you're welcome.

The Jazz/Metal Double Standard

2009-02-13T08:35:00.000-08:00

Being the music snob that I am, I've been known to scoff at so-called jazz clubs that essentially function as amusement park rides. On a given night, you can go to one of these clubs and be transported back 90 years: the bartender is old and crotchety, there's velvet on the walls, the sea-scallop booths are overly puffy. The music sounds old, but the people playing aren't. This place and these people playing this music from the past are amazing recreationists, but that's all. There is not much difference in my mind between a jazz club like this and the Hall of Presidents at Disney World--you go in and it seems real. It seems like Abraham Lincoln standing there talking to you until to you stop and think for a second that its 2009, and Lincoln's dead and bop and swing have not been revolutionary musical genres for decades. They are robots recreating a time and place, a museum piece that neglects to mention all the changes since, an amusement park ride to the past. There is no acknowledgement of the present, of change, and it makes me scoff.

That said, I was out running around my neighborhood today, and my mp3 player shuffled to Mastadon. As my pace increased and my fists started jabbing the air along to the song, I realized a double standard I have created. Mastadon is (for at least 2 albums) my favorite modern metal band. And yet, I realized, they are really just recreationists as well. They sound like the bands I grew up listening to...in essence they are a pre-Black Album Metallica band in a Reload world. In a lot of ways, Mastadon fails to recognize the changes that have taken place in their genre, they are the presidents in Disney's Hall of Metal amusement.

Does this mean I'm going to stop listening to Mastadon? Nope. Nor will I start going to "jazz" clubs. I'm just sayin.

Painted New Daily Haiku

2009-02-06T17:47:00.000-08:00

The sky driving home--
Sunmelt oozes through clouds like
grilled cheese goop dripping.

I Can't Change What I Don't Own.

2009-02-03T11:50:00.001-08:00

This formidable stack will only grow.

Advanced Medspa Accepts Most Insurances.

2009-01-22T15:33:00.000-08:00

Find this pen in your bag and take it out. It is MAGIC when you write. MAGIC--mysterious and complete! On paper it moves makes bodily fluids seems beautiful in arches and swoops. Find this pen in your bag and write this word: Indeterminate. At this moment, THIS moment now, right now...At this moment you are living and at this moment you are in flight.

All the words at once, all the words of this moment only make sense together. All the words at once, only read together will make sense. All the words at
once: Tyler
Perry notebook
out we
can do
it lit
book vocabulary
wall of
inspiration the
dream that
god has
given you
homework test
Monday support
agenda do
your best
exit route
these pants
can change
the world.

Six Good Albums of 2008 Haiku

2009-01-12T13:04:00.000-08:00

WHY?-Alopecia
Over-listened to
in '08, so Anna says
to turn it off now.

A Silver Mt. Zion-13 Blues for Thirteen Moons
One million died to
make whining sound powerful
again. (Nice haircut.)

Kanye West-808s and Heartbreak
Every morning, I
wake up and make a Robo
Cop sound effect: Vreeet.

The Streets-Everything Is Borrowed
Philosophy and
ecology tips from a
Limey drug dealer.

High Places-s/t
I never realized
Indian people looked like
hipsters from Brooklyn

Sun Kil Moon-April
If Mark would turn the
vocals down and the solos
up, it would slay me.

Solicitation of Band Names

2009-01-12T11:43:00.000-08:00

If you had a band, what would you call it? Here's the start of a list:

1. Stubble Field
2. Iraq Z
3. Thee Continental
4. Thee Three
5. Change Pants

Please add to this list with far better suggestions thank you.

Blog about Blog about Sandwiches

2008-12-15T17:21:00.000-08:00

Like sandwiches? I know you do. That's why I also think that you will like Sandwiches, a new blog about sandwiches. Reviews of every sandwich eaten by me, and by co-creator Ed. Sandwich schematics of homemade sandwiches, also known as Sandwiches's Sandwiches. Sandwich anecdotes. Sandwich rants and raves. Get ready.

blogaboutsandwiches.blogspot.com
blogaboutsandwiches.blogspot.com
blogaboutsandwiches.blogspot.com

Holy Ass!

2008-12-09T15:15:00.001-08:00

Did you see this??? I can't effing BELIEVE this. Well I can. It is Illinois, where one governor is already in prison. AND Blago's hair is ridiculous. I trust no person, man or woman, with that haircut. But still...this is soooo ridic.

So says the governor: "Give this "motherf***er [the President-elect] his senator? F*** him. For nothing? F*** him. I will put [Senate Candidate 4] in the Senate before I just give F***ing [Senate Candidate 1] a F***ing Senate seat and I don't get anything."

ON TAPE! These tapes NEED to be released. According to this Sun Times article, he was also caught on tape trying to start a bidding war for the Senate seat, trying to insure six-figure salaried jobs for him and his wife in exchange for Senate seat, and trying to influence the editorial staff of the Chicago Tribune by threatening to halt the sale of Wrigley Field. Its like a frigging movie!

Rat Update

2008-11-30T18:50:00.000-08:00

Rat Count: 11

Peanut butter, ice cream lamp shade, basket, tree, dog, arm, hurt, fork, polenta, window.

Chicago and Kanye

2008-11-24T09:04:00.000-08:00

I'm here in Chicago, 11 am in this time zone, waiting to go back to a movie theater that hopefully has found my wallet. Its bittersweet to be back here. The city keeps changing like all things do, and I'm realizing that at some point I'll come back and not recognize a thing. I forget that I'm living in a place that is relatively free of chain stores. Driving around this city feels like being in the parking lot for an extremely elaborate mall that grows and grows.

The new Kanye West is the best album of the year.

Last night, walking home, the streets were quiet and dark, except for the streetlights and the constant rush of cars. We left the theater laughing, oblivious to the cold, and went back to Theo's to watch youtube videos and squirrels dressed as Saddam Hussein.

Set Down Hike...ooo

2008-11-18T12:40:00.000-08:00

Alive today, like
blue/gold electricity
and high school football.

Rat Update

2008-11-04T16:27:00.000-08:00

In this political rant, I will juxtapose the views of one particular political philosophy with this other, very similar, political philosophy, but I will operate under the assumption that these political philosophies are vastly different.
...
In this political rant, I will argue the superiority of one particular political candidate's personality and leadership abilities with those of another political candidate.
...
In this political rant, I will rail against the ideologies of another political candidate.
...
In this political rant, I will expose the poor decisions one particular political candidate has made, contrasting them with the wisdom and foresight shown by another political candidate.

Rat Update

2008-10-27T12:05:00.000-07:00

Total Caught: 8

# of Adult Rats: 4
# of Absolutely Adorable Baby Rats: 3
# of Normal-looking Baby Rats: 1

All rats were dropped off at the Toad Hallow Dog Park, near the tree directly to the right of the handicapped parking spaces.

No rats were harmed in the creation of this blog.

When eggs are this green, it is natural to become skeptical.

2008-10-24T12:21:00.000-07:00

Foaming
from
forming
phoneme f
orms.

Hip Hip HooraY!

2008-10-17T12:34:00.000-07:00

And it looms over us like a baseball that has disappeared into the sun of the afternoon. Its up there somewhere, falling with velocity, accelerating with every second. This baseball was once unformidable but now that its falling invisible, it is consuming me.

A converstion I had Recently

2008-10-15T19:20:00.000-07:00

"Nobody reads my blog."
"Nobody reads MY blog."
"Nobody reads my blog."
"Nobody reads MY blog."
"Nobody reads my blog."
"Nobody reads MY blog."
"Nobody reads my blog."
"Nobody reads MY blog."
"Nobody reads my blog."
"Nobody reads MY blog."
"Nobody reads my blog."
"Nobody reads MY blog."
"Nobody reads my blog. ""Nobody reads MY blog."
"Nobody reads MY blog." "Nobody reads my blog."
"Nobody reads my blog." "Nobody reads MY blog."
"Nobody reads MY blog." "Nobody reads my blog."
"Nobody reads my blog." "Nobody reads MY blog."
"Nobody reads MY blog." "Nobody reads my blog."
"Nobody reads my blog."
"Nobody reads MY blog."
"Nobody reads my blog."
"Nobody reads MY blog."
"Nobody reads my blog."
"Nobody reads MY blog."
"Nobody reads my blog."
"Nobody reads MY blog."
"Nobody reads my blog."
"Nobody reads MY blog."
"Nobody reads my blog."
"Nobody reads MY blog."

Stupid Mountains

2008-10-10T12:33:00.000-07:00

My attempt to break the world's record for most consecutive totally awesome blog posts ends today. Tomorrow I'll be in the middle of the state trying to walk up a stupid mountain, and unless there is an Internet Cafe at the top, I will not have any access to BLOG until Sinday. Maybe there will be an Internet Cafe up there. That would make the mountain far less stupid for sure. What with all that connectivity.

Stupid Mountains

2008-10-09T12:38:00.000-07:00

They can't even think about stuff or anything. What is the point of just being rocks and snow and a place for trees to grow until they reach a certain point and then it's, NO! No more trees. They make traveling difficult and steal the rain away from the oceans. I like valleys better. Good old valleys. Never can go wrong with that. What's that up ahead? I will always know the answer to that question in a valley.

Inside my nose right now, there is something that hurts, like a sore or a cut or something.

But I guess mountains make for better novels. And that song, it won't make as much sense. "From the valleys to the prairies?" I don't think so. So mountains, you may have won this round, but you are still stupid.

Advice For the Day

2008-10-08T12:49:00.000-07:00

Feeling sick all the time is not normal.

All Rats are Mice, but not all Mice are Rats

2008-10-07T12:01:00.000-07:00

We have captured two mice this week, and after examining their tails with some precision, I have to agree with Bananna that they are rats. Lil segmented pieced tails like one of those cattails (the plant, not the cat tail). We had purchased a live mouse trap, and it did nothing for 2 weeks except give the little things a free dinner each night. We were tired of poop everywhere, tired of the dog going crazy everytime it heard the Pit er Pat, so we went back to the store to get some kill traps.

We looked at them, though, and could not bring ourselves to do it. By this point, enough rage had built up inside of me that I really thought I could kill'em all, but when it came to the sight of those death traps, and the clean-up that would be required, we had to say no. So we bought a bigger live trap instead, for like 30 dollars, big enough to catch chipmunks and small squirrels. Big enough indeed, since the first day we set it we caught two. We know there is at least a third, and now I check the trap even more obsessive-compulsively than my email. I like not killing things, California.

Why I Don't Like Standards Haiku

2008-10-06T12:51:00.001-07:00

Forced into straight lines,
it's easy to imagine
the desire to break.

Mousetrap, Mouse's Perspective Haiku

2008-10-05T21:27:00.000-07:00

Chain-linked space, Swinging
trap door, Metal plate trigger,
Feast of bagel chips.

Lists of Five

2008-10-04T20:27:00.000-07:00

Concerts I Thought About Yesterday:
1. Neil Young and Crazy Horse, World Music Theater, Tinley Park, IL, 1997
2. Table Mountain Gun Club, Pat Ford's Living Room in Milwaukee, WI, 1999
3. Sigur Ros, Civic Opera House, Chicago, IL, 2006
4. A Tundra, Silent Barn, New York, NY, 2007
5. Icy Demons, Abbey Pub, Chicago, IL, 2007

Not That You Care, But I:
1. Had fish for dinner
2. Will be wearing hiking boots for the next week
3. Am mildly interested in baseball
4. Have come to the sad conclusion that I must kill the mice that have made my house their home
5. Saw an episode of Tim and Eric Awesome Show Good Job today

Five More Things:
1. Quilt
2. Cheetah
3. Applesauce
4. Petal
5. Garage

Scarves I Own:
1. EuroCup 1996, Germany, black & white
2. Hand-knit, extra-long by Anna
3. Kafiya, black & white
4. EuroCup 1996, Germany, teal
5. Soft-n-gray

Blogga day

2008-10-03T16:39:00.001-07:00

A blog a day in the month of May, plus five months. Though now that I've boasted this goal in public, failure is inevitable. So people, here it is: The blog about my intention to blog. It is day three and I have already resorted to this.

In other news, my hair is shorter than my dog's, the fern in the living room is currently in silhouette, water is still delicious, and I cut my finger but I don't know how.

OMG 4REAL? Haiku

2008-10-02T12:50:00.000-07:00

Morning sunlight seeps
through blue bamboo, bringing me
my daily sickness.

It's October now

2008-10-01T21:18:00.000-07:00

According to the calendar, at least. In my mind it is Spring and the Summer is a month or two away. & yet & yet the leaves are changing, the harvests have come and gone, and the sports teams, most all of them, are battling each other in their respective fields.

I suppose I'll return to the corn maze to get lost in the dark following my own sense of direction. Once again I'll give up after 21 minutes and begin walking straight through the corn, my quick direct route to departure.

expressions of and reasons for happiness differ across personal and specieal lines haiku

2008-09-22T21:59:00.000-07:00

our dog growls when pet
and runs inside excited
after going poop.

Cheeze Ball

2008-09-21T21:52:00.000-07:00

Have you found the fandango bag? Hidden before your eyes in broad day Bud Light? I wonder which scotch brite brill pad would serve my dish needs best. I have fritter residue, and I am planning to use the same pan for bouillabaisse. Maybe an A140. Yes. A140 indeed.

In other news, we are almost out of coffee here, so prepare for the worst. I hate this thing. I can't get it.

And then he said this and then she said that and then

2008-09-19T12:41:00.001-07:00

In the span of a minute, I am viewing publicly. Looking to the sky at the black starless space, stareless space that no/one can hope to ignore. I am here in the heat in the heart of the heavens. Here in the hovels of a shovel. On the internet, the cars drive quickly and free monetarily. Light pollution from a light cycle, rising and riding on the currents of curcuits.

I am tired. I want the daze of Saturn, the day of the sun. I am tried and through with this week, ready for the end to come in two plus hours plus the relaxation of an Ethiopian couch.

Movies.

2008-09-06T22:52:00.001-07:00

Pelicans are not concerned with the evils of men.
They scoop fish from the ocean as we blow each others heads off.

Days Until Birthday Countdown:

2008-09-04T20:45:00.000-07:00

24.

I am an osprey with arms!

2008-08-25T12:04:00.000-07:00

Seabound and Seafoam from.
Wings of flight, flightless
fingers wiggling at the
ends.

I am teeth and balding,
the injustices of hard
labor, of fishing and
souless godless wind and wave,

of Square Feet and tail feather,
of how to shake the aforementioned.
It is cold where I sleep,
Nested and nestled, Fingered and reaching.
Aflight. Alight. Alive.

HE'S Back

2008-08-09T21:25:00.000-07:00

I am back now. Not in the city, in the country and there's a couch in the country, undivoted. BY GOD I SHALL DIVOT. My house is pretty, healthy, pretty healthy, pretty empty even with two peoples. Wanna Visit? Lets! My legs have hair on them, and in the whitest parts of the wall, I can see their shadows. On the tip of each hair, a single drop of water hangs on, post shower pre towel

That Really Scared Me Haiku

2008-07-16T21:57:00.000-07:00

The black widow had
spun its nest on the ironing
board I just picked up.

I Found This Tape

An Anonymous Wall of Digital Sound

In Search of a Paper Bag

Best New Dreams, 2012

Top

I Just Watched "Big" and I Have Some Issues with It

Top 9 Dreams, 2011

Dick Army

Dick Army

Dick Army

Dick Army

If I think I'm going crazy, then it means I'm really not, right?

Well then

Plagiarism

One more for the road

Going for the record

Soon my tooth will have a crown

The collective unconscious

Patriotic learned behavior

Its all a mash so how do you make it come out in any coherent way?

Maybe I am not a professional basketball player, but I am happy with this ending.

This just happened, though it could also be a lyric from a Bob Dylan song

Local Haiku

Martin marched forward forwardly as the hall collapsed, leaving the throne buried beneath a pile of pillars.

I'm lost again, here in the world and following, heading in a straight line

Dear Train, I wrote these lyrics for you.

i woke myself up to write this, posted it on anna's blog in my sleepstate, and moved it here

lyrics for my black metal band about bicycling

If you almost shut your eyes, the world becomes a blur (but not really)

Congrats on Life Haiku

Jars of Clay Davis

Yesterday, I saw two teenagers jump off the Tower Bridge and other Items

One of those kids throwing stones and calling for revolution will one day be corrupt and fat with power. Also Ben Weasel punched a woman.

Quantum Physics Haiku

Four alarm

Manual shift, five speed.

Naturally

My Children's Album

Two-Word Record Reviews of Things I Downloaded Today

That place was great.

Commons

Pending Job Application

Best Music of 2010 Expressed in Mathematic Equations

nothing is untrue

Categories

Sappy Songs

More Goddamn Blogs

A Pleathora of Gifts

This Blog is the Fault of The Pogues

After a long day Haiku

Why are you so annoying?

Black Hole Sun (of man)

It Will Take Place in the Past

Midlife Crisis

My summer vacation

True Story

Remember Dance Punk?

The Best Music of 2009

this blog is fiction, this principle haiku

Words that come out of my mouth that make me hate me

Rise, rock.

Shhhhhhiiiiiit

Two quick notes on Music

Sometimes I blog things so I don't forget them.

Thanks for making my day, Spike Lee Haiku

Writing

Late Work

The Jazz/Metal Double Standard

Painted New Daily Haiku

I Can't Change What I Don't Own.

Advanced Medspa Accepts Most Insurances.

Six Good Albums of 2008 Haiku

Solicitation of Band Names

Blog about Blog about Sandwiches

Holy Ass!

Rat Update

Chicago and Kanye

Set Down Hike...ooo

Rat Update

Rat Update