Jars of Clay Davis

I just checked my ifoundthitape blog stats and saw that googling "the wire-shhhhhhiiiiiit" led some poor soul to this goddamm blog. I feel so honored. The following is a list of things that hopefully someday someone will search and lead them to this god-forsaken place:

Beastie Boys Bob Dylan sample

mustache + competition

cuuuuuuuttttte pugs

Mr. T iced tea

aabbccddeeffgghhiijjkkllmmnnooppqqrrssttuuvvwwxxyyzz

Cat Massage

luke burbank drunk photo

kelly kapowski fan club

MHC my horsemeat company

toenail collection

gary debusey celebrity apprentice

riders on the storm gutters inc

U2b

humanure

Yesterday, I saw two teenagers jump off the Tower Bridge and other Items

Item! Yesterday, I saw two teenagers jump off the Tower Bridge. One was slightly more prepared than the other, and had brought a wet suit. I had just got on the bridge as I saw their heads go over the side. I pulled my bicycle over to the side at the point where I had last seen them. They were laughing and trying to catch their breath from the cold. I watched until they swam to shore, relieved that I would not have to put off dinner to call an ambulance or a morgue boat. Kids these days.

Item! Frozen na'an from Trader Joe's is delicious. I had decided this even before I had tried it. And then, when I tried it, I continued to believe the previously stated statement.

Item! For the next 10 days, I will be living like a king, assuming kings wake up at 10 am to watch The Price Is Right and then spend the rest of the day trying to find cable television shows on the internet. That is how kings live, correct?

Item! I know this is old news, but it is still hard to believe that Michael Jackson is a dead pop star rather than a living pedophile.

One of those kids throwing stones and calling for revolution will one day be corrupt and fat with power. Also Ben Weasel punched a woman.

History is the story of people becoming what they hate.

Quantum Physics Haiku

in the parallel
mirrors of the barber shop
i see myself as

infinite

Four alarm

The fireman at the fro-yo.
The fireman at the icee stand.

The fireman gettin' an icee with ice cream in it.
The fireman picking toppings for his fro-yo.

Manual shift, five speed.

at some point, I realized that when I had been looking, everything was upside-down. That those pinnacles in the distance behind me were actually troughs, and that this slow, coasting descent was a climb to a peak I have not yet known.

I was fooled because we've climbed so effortlessly, free from a lactic burn in our legs. So let's pick up the pace, let's move so fast that everything stands still.

Naturally

Naturally, I am awaiting the return of the rap superstar. Waiting for Barry Bonds's acquittal (we are ALL Barry Bonds, don't you get it?!?). Waiting for what comes next. Will I ever think he is more than just barely competent? The studies are currently being analyzed by top scientists. A water bottle and a coke bottle: what is next?

In other news: s's s's s's s's s's s's s's s's s's s's s's s's s's s's s's s's s's s's s's s's s's s's s's s's s's, martini glasses are all the rage, this fishy smell indicates something is fishy, and I am still full from dinner and 3 Zombie brownies.