Going for the record

I've not blogged like this since 2008, the Year of the Blog. Its time to get this blog roll a rolling! Time to blog up to the blogosphere! Love, lift us up where we b-log! This is my blog cabin! Let's pull some peat moss from this blog to keep us warm all winter. Bloglight Savings Time. The morning blog, lifting from the sea.

We b-log to the light
We b-log to the thunder
We b-log to the sound of the words
We've both blog-rolled under

Whatever we deny or embrace
For worse or for better
We b-log, we b-log
We b-log together!

The blog run! Blogster! Blogman! Blog-gone it! You'll be punished with a severe blogging! Blog it up! What I'm saying is, "Self, you need to set a personal blog best and make blog thousand blogleven the new Year of the Blog Part II: Electric Blogaloo."

True Story

As I was walking around the Sacramento Co-op the yesterday, I overheard an employee guiding a couple through the store, helping them pick out what to buy. I was intrigued, naturally, so I followed. They had decided that they were going on a gluten-free diet, starting tat day, and they had apparently cornered this employee and got her to show them what in the store was gluten-free. It was unclear whether these two actually knew what gluten was. Here were my favorite quotes:

"Honey, we're going to need some vegetables. Why don't you go grab a jar of pickles?"

"Oh, so rice cakes don't have gluten in them?"

Clerk: This cereal is gluten free. (points to healthy-looking box of cereal).

Her: Oh I don't know if we are going to go THAT far. My baby loves sweet. (grabs box of Cap'n Crnch-like cereal)

Remember Dance Punk?

The Best Albums of the 00s

After extensive thought and research, I bring to you the following lists for the past decade, which technically ends next year (00s is pronounced "the zeros" or "the ooo's"):

THE Album of the '00s

"The Grey Album" by Danger Mouse: I am not purporting that this album was the best of the 00's, or that I even particularly like it (I don't dislike it by any means). However, like disco defined the 70s and grunge defined the 90s, the mashup is the genre that will define the 00s, good or bad. I do not have the authority to say this was the first "mashup" album. It did, though, bring the genre to the forefront. Nirvana's "Nevermind" was by no means the first "grunge" album, but it definitely defines the genre, and the decade for that matter. "The Grey Album" is quintessentially oos: its a mashup, it was made by one person with a computer, it had no official release but got huge over the Internet. How could this not be the album of the decade?



The Top 13 Albums of the 00s
The following selections are what I consider to be the best albums of the 00s. It was culled from the albums that iTunes added to the smart playlist I created with the perameters "year greater than 1999." If, for some reason, a really great 00s album did not come up in that playlist, it did not make my list. I consider this a very 00s way of narrowing the field. The selections are ranked...#1 is my favorite album of the oos, etc. Lets do this:

1. "The College Dropout" by Kanye West: There are those who claim that there was not good music made this decade. Those people do not listen to hip hop. Rap music in particular made tremendous leaps in the past 10 years, and Kanye West was responsible for more than a few of them. Though all of his albums have been my favorite for a certain time, his debut is still the standout. There is not an unlistenable track on this album. Lyrically, Kanye takes a decidedly un-Gangta and un-Pop Star approach to otherwise cliched subject matter (the latter of which changed for the second half of his output).

2. "A Ghost Is Born" by Wilco: Yes, "Yankee Hotel Foxtrot" is the obvious choice, but in terms of not compromising listenability for experimentation, this is the Wilco album for me. Unforgiving guitar solos, well crafted songs, kraut rock marathons. If it wasn't for "I'm A Wheel," this album would be at the top of my list.





3. "Hell Hath No Fury" by Clipse: From the opening track's stuttering accordion and vato sample, "Hell Hath No Fury" is unrelenting. Pharell's minimalism accents the fury (to use an obvious adjective) of the coke-dealers-turned-rappers' lyrics.







4. "The Hill" by Richard Buckner: 15 or so songs, but only one track. Minimal instrumentation. 0 dollars spent on recording. Poems from Edgar Lee Masters's "Spoon River Anthology" serve as lyrics. Cigaratte-scarred, baritone vocals. I am in love with the sizzle of the tape-hiss shaker percussion. When this album starts, I must listen until its over. Already a dinosaur in the age of iPod shuffles.





5. "Yoyoyoyoyoyoyoyo" by Spank Rock: The Baltimore duo's only full length record is, from start to finish, one dirty, dirty dance party. The beats and music sound like 2 Live Crew played from a digital wrist watch. The lyrics make me blush. Seriously.








OK. I'm running out of things to say. Here's the rest with minimal BS.

6. "Madvilliany" by Madvillian: Madlib + MF Doom + supervillian samples = ilistenalot









7. "Kala" by M.I.A.: Repeating the same lyrics over beats stolen from Brazilian favelas turned out to be a great idea.










8. "Jesu" by Jesu: What metal needed was more New Agey synthesizer leads.










9. "McLusky Do Dallas" by McLusky: Steps to success: 1. Rip off the Pixies 2. Rip off the Jesus Lizard 3. Write absurdly sexual lyrics 4. Be from Wales.







10. "Who Will Cut Our Hair When We're Gone?" by the Unicorns: Fey pop with lots of synths and hooks.









11. "808s and Heartbreak" by Kanye West: Kanye somehow makes all the horrible trends in late 00s pop sound good. Artist of the decade?









12. "Ys" by Joanna Newsom: The first time I heard Joanna sing, I thought, "At least her songs aren't 17 minutes long." Then she made Ys and I was all, "DAMN!"







13. "Unhistories" by Singer: Former U.S. Maple members let non-U.S. Maple members pretend like they're in U.S. Maple. The results? Better than U.S. Maple.

The Best Music of 2009

In the early fall, Anna and I went down to SF to see a show at the Great American Music Hall. There were two bands on the ball I was interested in seeing: WHY?, the headliner and object of my obsession for the past year or two, and Serengeti, the Chicago-based rapper responsible for my tendancy to call the Chicago-based grocery store "Jules" as Chicago-ed out as possible. Prior to the show, I was told by my friend Ed that one of the two other bands playing, Mount Eerie, had recently moved away from noisy indie rock and folk for a try at black metal. Needless to say, I was intrigued.

So...we got to the show about 15 minutes before the official start time, wanting to make sure we did not miss 'Geti in his opening slot. But as we walk in, the fourth and previously-unmentioned-in-this-blog-because-of their-mediocrity band AU began playing, though they were listed to play second on the bill. "Bah, they must have told these guise go on before Serengeti," I said to myself. (I speak to myself in a Chicago accent.) But 40 minutes later, Mount Eerie sets up. Serengeti had been forced to play before the official start of the show. I was mad.

So...Mount Eerie had two drummers, one of whom played a massive gong as if it were a ride. The set was devastating. They essentially played the "Wind's Poem" album, but I did not know this because I had not heard it. Sheets of impossibly fast noise subsided for Phil Elvrum's plaintiff singing. And then more pummeling. I realized that the only reason I don't listen to more black metal is the horrible and ridiculous singers.

Then WHY? played, and the room full of teenagers began moshing to a set Yoni's lyrics about deviant sex and suicide.

Anyways, it turns out that my three favorite albums of 2009 were from bands at this show, which means I'm still sour over the fact that I missed Serengeti.

Here's an incomplete list:

1. "Wind's Poem" by Mount Eerie--Black metal and sad bastard singing go perfect together.

2. "Eskimo Snow" by WHY?--Whiny rapper turned into whiny pop star

3. "Pterodactyl" by Serengeti and Polyphonic--Lazy schizophrenic rapping over beats made from spare change in the future.

4. All those Crystal Shards albums--They are good. Call Ed to burn them.

5. & 6. "Merriweather Post Pavilion" by Animal Collective and "Bitte Orca" by Dirty Projectors--Thanks, NPR!

7. Jesu vinyl reissues--Finally the "Heartache," "Pale Sketches," and "Lifeline" are available. I'm pretty sure they were not reissued this year, but I don't care. I spent a night paralyzed by these records.

Words that come out of my mouth that make me hate me

There are few things more grating to my ears (and that simultaneously feel more comfortable flowing from my tongue) than beginning an anecdote with, "I heard this thing on NPR the other day...", but goddamn if RadioLab is not one of the best things I got going right now (besides regular, interpersonal human contact, of course). Equal parts science and psychedelia, RadioLab approaches the "This American Life" concept of a one-theme-per-show/tangential-story thing like Sun-Ra would have, had he become a radio loser instead of a drug addict. Oh, and its by far the most well-produced show on the radio right now--so much so that until just recently, I did not even realize it was science-themed. I thought it was called "RadioLab" because of how they experiment with the format of a radio talk show. Sadly, it comes on randomly on the NPRs we have here in the valley closest to the West Coast, but in this age of podcast, I listen on MY schedule. The "11 Meditations on the Afterlife" episode is not to be missed.

Postscript: I considered following the "I heard this thing on NPR the other day..." part of this blog with this sentence: But I guess its unavoidable when a Facebook poll tells you that 100% of your friends are Democrats. It was at that point that I realized (a) there is a way to start an anecdote that is slightly MORE grating than talking about NPR and (b) what a total effing nerd I am.

Writing

Usually going back and reading things I wrote years ago induces vomiting for me. But last night, as I was planning my poetry unit for my Sophomores, I went back and took a look at some things, "poems" if you will, that I'd saved; and I have to say, they were not that bad. Actually made me wish I had stuck to the writing thing. Oh well.

The Jazz/Metal Double Standard

Being the music snob that I am, I've been known to scoff at so-called jazz clubs that essentially function as amusement park rides. On a given night, you can go to one of these clubs and be transported back 90 years: the bartender is old and crotchety, there's velvet on the walls, the sea-scallop booths are overly puffy. The music sounds old, but the people playing aren't. This place and these people playing this music from the past are amazing recreationists, but that's all. There is not much difference in my mind between a jazz club like this and the Hall of Presidents at Disney World--you go in and it seems real. It seems like Abraham Lincoln standing there talking to you until to you stop and think for a second that its 2009, and Lincoln's dead and bop and swing have not been revolutionary musical genres for decades. They are robots recreating a time and place, a museum piece that neglects to mention all the changes since, an amusement park ride to the past. There is no acknowledgement of the present, of change, and it makes me scoff.

That said, I was out running around my neighborhood today, and my mp3 player shuffled to Mastadon. As my pace increased and my fists started jabbing the air along to the song, I realized a double standard I have created. Mastadon is (for at least 2 albums) my favorite modern metal band. And yet, I realized, they are really just recreationists as well. They sound like the bands I grew up listening to...in essence they are a pre-Black Album Metallica band in a Reload world. In a lot of ways, Mastadon fails to recognize the changes that have taken place in their genre, they are the presidents in Disney's Hall of Metal amusement.

Does this mean I'm going to stop listening to Mastadon? Nope. Nor will I start going to "jazz" clubs. I'm just sayin.

Holy Ass!

Did you see this??? I can't effing BELIEVE this. Well I can. It is Illinois, where one governor is already in prison. AND Blago's hair is ridiculous. I trust no person, man or woman, with that haircut. But still...this is soooo ridic.

So says the governor: "Give this "motherf***er [the President-elect] his senator? F*** him. For nothing? F*** him. I will put [Senate Candidate 4] in the Senate before I just give F***ing [Senate Candidate 1] a F***ing Senate seat and I don't get anything."

ON TAPE! These tapes NEED to be released. According to this Sun Times article, he was also caught on tape trying to start a bidding war for the Senate seat, trying to insure six-figure salaried jobs for him and his wife in exchange for Senate seat, and trying to influence the editorial staff of the Chicago Tribune by threatening to halt the sale of Wrigley Field. Its like a frigging movie!

Chicago and Kanye

I'm here in Chicago, 11 am in this time zone, waiting to go back to a movie theater that hopefully has found my wallet. Its bittersweet to be back here. The city keeps changing like all things do, and I'm realizing that at some point I'll come back and not recognize a thing. I forget that I'm living in a place that is relatively free of chain stores. Driving around this city feels like being in the parking lot for an extremely elaborate mall that grows and grows.

The new Kanye West is the best album of the year.

Last night, walking home, the streets were quiet and dark, except for the streetlights and the constant rush of cars. We left the theater laughing, oblivious to the cold, and went back to Theo's to watch youtube videos and squirrels dressed as Saddam Hussein.

All Rats are Mice, but not all Mice are Rats

We have captured two mice this week, and after examining their tails with some precision, I have to agree with Bananna that they are rats. Lil segmented pieced tails like one of those cattails (the plant, not the cat tail). We had purchased a live mouse trap, and it did nothing for 2 weeks except give the little things a free dinner each night. We were tired of poop everywhere, tired of the dog going crazy everytime it heard the Pit er Pat, so we went back to the store to get some kill traps.

We looked at them, though, and could not bring ourselves to do it. By this point, enough rage had built up inside of me that I really thought I could kill'em all, but when it came to the sight of those death traps, and the clean-up that would be required, we had to say no. So we bought a bigger live trap instead, for like 30 dollars, big enough to catch chipmunks and small squirrels. Big enough indeed, since the first day we set it we caught two. We know there is at least a third, and now I check the trap even more obsessive-compulsively than my email. I like not killing things, California.