I also have 99 problems

1. The air bag light in my Subaru is on, but nothing seems wrong with the air bag.
2. My neighbor waits until after sunset to climb up on his roof to leaf-blow it.
3. I planted some grass seed last winter, but it didn't come in right.
4. I have this numb spot on my leg.
5. I can't grow a beard. Not a non-gross one, anyway.
6. Sometimes, during the day, I forget I'm awake.
7. Mismatching numbers of socks.
8. The state of my kitchen.
9. The state of my living room.
10. Overpowering, crushing angst.
11. The state of my bathroom.
12. My home has become an incubator for disease ever since my daughter started daycare.
13. I am too OK with leaving work at work.
14. The other neighbor caught me dumping a garbage can into the storm drain and now she won't talk to us.
15. I hate running, but I do it.
16. I can't seem to get into wine.
17. If someone touches my pinky toe, I involuntarily kick them. Even if its a baby.
18. My dog could stand to be walked more.
19. I am addicted to reality TV.
20. I don't care about my job so much any more.
21. A newspaper that I didn't order was delivered to my house months ago. It is rotting on the driveway.
22. I have contempt for things, but also envy others' ability to own them.
23. I have an itch. An itch is one.
24. That first neighbor also chops wood at 9 pm.
25. This carpet shows dirt quickly.
26. Beers are very similar to potato chips, in that just having one is impossible
27. I'm not the best at staying in contact with people.
28. My own insecurities are projected onto others in the form of perceived loathing.
29. I have to press three buttons to connect my laptop to the digital projector in my classroom. It used to be zero buttons.
30. I avoid doctors.
31. I avoid dentists.
32. I hate talking on the phone.
33. Though I keep it together in most situations, I lose my mind in traffic.
34. I am so bad at expressing emotions that I now question if I feel them.
35. I'm pretty much always sure I'm right.
36. There's a pretty big space between two of my teeth and I should floss it more.
37.This cough won't go away.
38. I have to wake up early to have coffee so I won't get a headache.
39. There are some things too painful to say.
40. I laugh at inappropriate things.
41. Most of what I say is bullshit.
42. I have patches of hair in places where there should be none, and have none in places there should be hair.
43. I can't fix anything.
44. Only one of these earbuds work, and this song is in stereo.
45. I don't recycle as much as I should.
46. Every day is different; every day's the same.
47. I'm pretty tired of the foods I can cook.
48. My dog really should get more exercise.
49. My daughter is into throwing tantrums.
50. I've only gotten a haircut I liked 3 times.
51. I'm pretty selfish.
52. I eat food dangerously past the expiration date, even though I've lost at this game several times.
53. Often I am not as smart as I seem.
54. Other times I am much smarter.
55. Laundry pile.
56. I did not grade anything this weekend.
57. I hit a raccoon with my car once.
58. I am ashamed of the 7 month period in high school in which I collected comic books.
59. Sports are take it or leave it for me.
60. I can't do most things men are supposed to be good at.
61. I am not a boat owner.
62. I have trouble sleeping.
63. Beer gives me gas.
64. There's this one vein that pops out of my right calf.
65. My dog snores.
66. I often lie to avoid being caught in other lies.
67. Gas is getting expensive again.
68. I'm not the best at picking up after myself.
69. Student loans.
70. Tomorrow's going to be rough.
71. I gotta say, its is hard to come up with a list of this many problems.
72. My neighbor dumped a pile of shit on my driveway and expected me to thank her.
73. My landlord gave our key to a felon.
74. There's mushrooms growing out of the carpet.
75. Furniture moving, in general.
76. This child is smart enough to open things, but not smart enough to know what not to open.
77. The washing machine flooded the garage.
78. It took me almost an hour to get home fromwork today.
79. I am afraid of the person I really am.
80. I can't say no to Jelly Bellies.
81. I don't really proofread.
82. It takes a long time for me to fall asleep.
83. I'm not so into music anymore.
84. I miss "Quantum Leap."
85. My hand is tired from typing.
86. The sun shines with impunity.
87. I'm not sure how to tell my barber what I want.
88. Never touch the grate in the oven unless you are sure.
89. Any light in the darkness keeps me awake.
90. When it rains, I forget to bring the lawn furniture inside.
91. I am pretty sure Jay never actually sat down and thought about his problems, and that makes me frustrated.
92. This guy emptied a bag of garbage onto the living room floor, and we just left it.
93. I can't pee in troughs.
94. The state of my garage.
95. I am haunted by the memory of firing a 10-year-old.
96. I want to live anywhere but here.
97. A general feeling of suffocating.
98. A general feeling of malaise.
99. Candy addiction.