Cinnamon

When I get cinnamon stuck in my throat, I cough and cough and cough. Then I think about how to market myself to those who market Bud Light. I think my music could really sell their product and vice versa.

In the meantime, I'm on the edge of my seat about the next Food network star, I'm on the edge of my seat for the next page of a book though. Though.

You Know What Pisses Me Off?

Sodas these days. Used to be that when a soda was having a contest and you opened the soda, you had like a one in eight chance of winning a free soda. Free. No questions asked. Twenty MFing ounces. Bam. Nowdays, you take the top off a soda and its like, "Hmm there is a chance you may have possibly won. Type this code as well as your identity into our mainframe database computer intrnet site and we'll let you know." OK?? Now say you do that all and low and behold you are a freaking winner. YOU HAVE NOT WON. You only have received a voucher for a buy one frickin' get one free 20 ozer. That's not winning. That's a coupon. So Diet Pepsi, if you're reading this, you can shove your contest up your cola-infested ass, OK? OK!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

But seriously, if you put Indiana Jones on a bottle of soda, I WILL BUY IT.

In an Effort to Increase my Popularity, I've Decided

1. My name will now be my first initial and a shortened, more Americanized version of my last name.

2. My vocal inflections with be a subtle allusion to civil rights leader Martin Luther King Jr.

3. To record, release, and deny my consent to a sex tape.

4. To produce my reality television in the "Bravo style."

5. To no longer wear a helmet.

6. My Second Life character will own an in ground pool and wear a robe.

7. To double the amount of calls to my five.