duel

I know this road.

I know its scattered shrubs (low and dried), 

            its too close sun, 

            its heat lines lifting.

I know its aching climbs that turn and rise 

                                                       and turn and rise 

and then drop to the valley when the glare is 

                       too much.

I know its fringe of dusty scree, 

            its two-lane claustrophobia 

the fire that burned

the fire that is to come

the lake to the left, poisoned by a mining disaster

the rusted town

      hulking

      collapsing

      flammable

      fixed in time with 

malicious intent.

survivor update

 i know the rhythms now. how the challenge music the afterchallenge interview to commercial foreshadows whats to come. it does not stop me of course.

and of course i consider if i could do it. i think so i think. i think physically at least. because i'd know that they would not let me die. as hard as it gets no one is dying on primetime cbs. my downfall would be speaking to other people. opening up and whatnot. building trust.

when i moved here to california i tried to play in bands with strangers. i found exactly two people i liked to play with but when we tried to expand and get a second guitar player they never worked out. they always complained to the others that i hated them. i guess i did. not as humans of course. just as guitarists. but like that's important right? not having a shitty guitarist in your band?

i did not drive home one night with one of them. we had booked a show in stockton somehow and we sounded great except guitarist 2 of course. but we had taken two cars and i drove back with the drummer and most of the gear. the two guitarists drove back together. guitarist 2, the one who thought i hated him as a person even though i just hated him as a guitarist, was considerably intoxicated and apparently spouting off about how the smashing pumpkins were the shit. the drummer and i got taco bell drive thru. he wanted to use the bathroom but the restaurant part of the taco bell was already closed. so he peed on the door. i would choose this person over guitarist 2 one hundred times out of one hundred.

pee pee door drummer moved to another state. guitarist 1 i think got sick of how many people hated me. i play in a band by myself now.

and i am no longer sure what this has to do with survivor

,like

 i am a writer .which is why i ,like ,do this you know .like there are things that people are ,like ,scared to say or scared to see or ,like ,just ,like scared .like that's true ,right ?like if i weren't here to say ,like ,whatever ...who would say it ?you need to be brave to do this .to ,like ,put yourself out there and be vulnerable like this .it's ,like ,what is the word ?like ,brave i guess .like brave .yeah .i guess i've said that ,but it needs saying .again .i am brave .for this .i .am .brave .

1-2-3

yes we will yes
we will yes we
will
we will
yes we
yes

we

yes we

we will

we will yes

will

we yes we

will yes

we

will we will

yes will we

yes will we

we will yes

we will we will

yes we will yes

we will

we will

yes