Blog about Blog about Sandwiches

Like sandwiches? I know you do. That's why I also think that you will like Sandwiches, a new blog about sandwiches. Reviews of every sandwich eaten by me, and by co-creator Ed. Sandwich schematics of homemade sandwiches, also known as Sandwiches's Sandwiches. Sandwich anecdotes. Sandwich rants and raves. Get ready.

blogaboutsandwiches.blogspot.com
blogaboutsandwiches.blogspot.com
blogaboutsandwiches.blogspot.com

Holy Ass!

Did you see this??? I can't effing BELIEVE this. Well I can. It is Illinois, where one governor is already in prison. AND Blago's hair is ridiculous. I trust no person, man or woman, with that haircut. But still...this is soooo ridic.

So says the governor: "Give this "motherf***er [the President-elect] his senator? F*** him. For nothing? F*** him. I will put [Senate Candidate 4] in the Senate before I just give F***ing [Senate Candidate 1] a F***ing Senate seat and I don't get anything."

ON TAPE! These tapes NEED to be released. According to this Sun Times article, he was also caught on tape trying to start a bidding war for the Senate seat, trying to insure six-figure salaried jobs for him and his wife in exchange for Senate seat, and trying to influence the editorial staff of the Chicago Tribune by threatening to halt the sale of Wrigley Field. Its like a frigging movie!

Rat Update

Rat Count: 11

Peanut butter, ice cream lamp shade, basket, tree, dog, arm, hurt, fork, polenta, window.

Chicago and Kanye

I'm here in Chicago, 11 am in this time zone, waiting to go back to a movie theater that hopefully has found my wallet. Its bittersweet to be back here. The city keeps changing like all things do, and I'm realizing that at some point I'll come back and not recognize a thing. I forget that I'm living in a place that is relatively free of chain stores. Driving around this city feels like being in the parking lot for an extremely elaborate mall that grows and grows.

The new Kanye West is the best album of the year.

Last night, walking home, the streets were quiet and dark, except for the streetlights and the constant rush of cars. We left the theater laughing, oblivious to the cold, and went back to Theo's to watch youtube videos and squirrels dressed as Saddam Hussein.

Set Down Hike...ooo

Alive today, like
blue/gold electricity
and high school football.

Rat Update

In this political rant, I will juxtapose the views of one particular political philosophy with this other, very similar, political philosophy, but I will operate under the assumption that these political philosophies are vastly different.
...
In this political rant, I will argue the superiority of one particular political candidate's personality and leadership abilities with those of another political candidate.
...
In this political rant, I will rail against the ideologies of another political candidate.
...
In this political rant, I will expose the poor decisions one particular political candidate has made, contrasting them with the wisdom and foresight shown by another political candidate.

Rat Update

Total Caught: 8

• # of Adult Rats: 4
• # of Absolutely Adorable Baby Rats: 3
• # of Normal-looking Baby Rats: 1

All rats were dropped off at the Toad Hallow Dog Park, near the tree directly to the right of the handicapped parking spaces.

No rats were harmed in the creation of this blog.

When eggs are this green, it is natural to become skeptical.

Foaming
from
forming
phoneme f
orms.

Hip Hip HooraY!

And it looms over us like a baseball that has disappeared into the sun of the afternoon. Its up there somewhere, falling with velocity, accelerating with every second. This baseball was once unformidable but now that its falling invisible, it is consuming me.

A converstion I had Recently

"Nobody reads my blog."
"Nobody reads MY blog."
"Nobody reads my blog."
"Nobody reads MY blog."
"Nobody reads my blog."
"Nobody reads MY blog."
"Nobody reads my blog."
"Nobody reads MY blog."
"Nobody reads my blog."
"Nobody reads MY blog."
"Nobody reads my blog."
"Nobody reads MY blog."
"Nobody reads my blog. ""Nobody reads MY blog."
"Nobody reads MY blog." "Nobody reads my blog."
"Nobody reads my blog." "Nobody reads MY blog."
"Nobody reads MY blog." "Nobody reads my blog."
"Nobody reads my blog." "Nobody reads MY blog."
"Nobody reads MY blog." "Nobody reads my blog."
"Nobody reads my blog."
"Nobody reads MY blog."
"Nobody reads my blog."
"Nobody reads MY blog."
"Nobody reads my blog."
"Nobody reads MY blog."
"Nobody reads my blog."
"Nobody reads MY blog."
"Nobody reads my blog."
"Nobody reads MY blog."
"Nobody reads my blog."
"Nobody reads MY blog."

Stupid Mountains

My attempt to break the world's record for most consecutive totally awesome blog posts ends today. Tomorrow I'll be in the middle of the state trying to walk up a stupid mountain, and unless there is an Internet Cafe at the top, I will not have any access to BLOG until Sinday. Maybe there will be an Internet Cafe up there. That would make the mountain far less stupid for sure. What with all that connectivity.

Stupid Mountains

They can't even think about stuff or anything. What is the point of just being rocks and snow and a place for trees to grow until they reach a certain point and then it's, NO! No more trees. They make traveling difficult and steal the rain away from the oceans. I like valleys better. Good old valleys. Never can go wrong with that. What's that up ahead? I will always know the answer to that question in a valley.

Inside my nose right now, there is something that hurts, like a sore or a cut or something.

But I guess mountains make for better novels. And that song, it won't make as much sense. "From the valleys to the prairies?" I don't think so. So mountains, you may have won this round, but you are still stupid.

Advice For the Day

Feeling sick all the time is not normal.

All Rats are Mice, but not all Mice are Rats

We have captured two mice this week, and after examining their tails with some precision, I have to agree with Bananna that they are rats. Lil segmented pieced tails like one of those cattails (the plant, not the cat tail). We had purchased a live mouse trap, and it did nothing for 2 weeks except give the little things a free dinner each night. We were tired of poop everywhere, tired of the dog going crazy everytime it heard the Pit er Pat, so we went back to the store to get some kill traps.

We looked at them, though, and could not bring ourselves to do it. By this point, enough rage had built up inside of me that I really thought I could kill'em all, but when it came to the sight of those death traps, and the clean-up that would be required, we had to say no. So we bought a bigger live trap instead, for like 30 dollars, big enough to catch chipmunks and small squirrels. Big enough indeed, since the first day we set it we caught two. We know there is at least a third, and now I check the trap even more obsessive-compulsively than my email. I like not killing things, California.

Why I Don't Like Standards Haiku

Forced into straight lines,
it's easy to imagine
the desire to break.

Mousetrap, Mouse's Perspective Haiku

Chain-linked space, Swinging
trap door, Metal plate trigger,
Feast of bagel chips.

Lists of Five

Concerts I Thought About Yesterday:
1. Neil Young and Crazy Horse, World Music Theater, Tinley Park, IL, 1997
2. Table Mountain Gun Club, Pat Ford's Living Room in Milwaukee, WI, 1999
3. Sigur Ros, Civic Opera House, Chicago, IL, 2006
4. A Tundra, Silent Barn, New York, NY, 2007
5. Icy Demons, Abbey Pub, Chicago, IL, 2007

Not That You Care, But I:
1. Had fish for dinner
2. Will be wearing hiking boots for the next week
3. Am mildly interested in baseball
4. Have come to the sad conclusion that I must kill the mice that have made my house their home
5. Saw an episode of Tim and Eric Awesome Show Good Job today

Five More Things:
1. Quilt
2. Cheetah
3. Applesauce
4. Petal
5. Garage

Scarves I Own:
1. EuroCup 1996, Germany, black & white
2. Hand-knit, extra-long by Anna
3. Kafiya, black & white
4. EuroCup 1996, Germany, teal
5. Soft-n-gray

Blogga day

A blog a day in the month of May, plus five months. Though now that I've boasted this goal in public, failure is inevitable. So people, here it is: The blog about my intention to blog. It is day three and I have already resorted to this.

In other news, my hair is shorter than my dog's, the fern in the living room is currently in silhouette, water is still delicious, and I cut my finger but I don't know how.

OMG 4REAL? Haiku

Morning sunlight seeps
through blue bamboo, bringing me
my daily sickness.

It's October now

According to the calendar, at least. In my mind it is Spring and the Summer is a month or two away. & yet & yet the leaves are changing, the harvests have come and gone, and the sports teams, most all of them, are battling each other in their respective fields.

I suppose I'll return to the corn maze to get lost in the dark following my own sense of direction. Once again I'll give up after 21 minutes and begin walking straight through the corn, my quick direct route to departure.

expressions of and reasons for happiness differ across personal and specieal lines haiku

our dog growls when pet
and runs inside excited
after going poop.

Cheeze Ball

Have you found the fandango bag? Hidden before your eyes in broad day Bud Light? I wonder which scotch brite brill pad would serve my dish needs best. I have fritter residue, and I am planning to use the same pan for bouillabaisse. Maybe an A140. Yes. A140 indeed.

In other news, we are almost out of coffee here, so prepare for the worst. I hate this thing. I can't get it.

And then he said this and then she said that and then

In the span of a minute, I am viewing publicly. Looking to the sky at the black starless space, stareless space that no/one can hope to ignore. I am here in the heat in the heart of the heavens. Here in the hovels of a shovel. On the internet, the cars drive quickly and free monetarily. Light pollution from a light cycle, rising and riding on the currents of curcuits.

I am tired. I want the daze of Saturn, the day of the sun. I am tried and through with this week, ready for the end to come in two plus hours plus the relaxation of an Ethiopian couch.

Movies.

Pelicans are not concerned with the evils of men.
They scoop fish from the ocean as we blow each others heads off.

Days Until Birthday Countdown:

24.

I am an osprey with arms!

Seabound and Seafoam from.
Wings of flight, flightless
fingers wiggling at the
ends.

I am teeth and balding,
the injustices of hard
labor, of fishing and
souless godless wind and wave,

of Square Feet and tail feather,
of how to shake the aforementioned.
It is cold where I sleep,
Nested and nestled, Fingered and reaching.
Aflight. Alight. Alive.

HE'S Back

I am back now. Not in the city, in the country and there's a couch in the country, undivoted. BY GOD I SHALL DIVOT. My house is pretty, healthy, pretty healthy, pretty empty even with two peoples. Wanna Visit? Lets! My legs have hair on them, and in the whitest parts of the wall, I can see their shadows. On the tip of each hair, a single drop of water hangs on, post shower pre towel

That Really Scared Me Haiku

The black widow had
spun its nest on the ironing
board I just picked up.

Other Blogs

Other blogs spew lies, while this blog basks in truth.
Other blogs are poorly written, while this blog's turns of phrase are subtle and sophisticated.
Other blogs are weighted with bias, while this blog soars freely through the airy breeze of objectivity.
Other blogs stoop to personal attacks, while this blog empowers all who read it.
Other blogs perpetuate the myth of the American Dream, while this blog fights for equity.
Other blogs are dudes, while this blog is a guy.
Other blogs examine the theories behind robots, while this blog just likes robots.
Other blogs stop off for fast food on the way home, while this blog relishes in preparing and serving home-cooked meals.
Other blogs are unsympathetic, while this blog always puts itself in others' shoes.
Other blogs are uncaring, while this blog is sensitive.
Other blogs knowingly and willfully embezzle funds from public welfare programs, while this blog is fiscally and socially responsible.
Other blog smell their hands, while this blog refrains from such activities.
Other blogs teach, while this blog learns.
Other blogs prefer energy drinks, while this blog abuses coffee and yerba mate.
Other blogs say yerba "ma-tay," while this blog says yerba "mate."
Other blogs lack focus, while this blog is poignant and concise.
Other blogs are preemptive, while this blog values diplomacy.
Other blogs are political, while this blog concerns itself with the daily goings-on of average existence.
Other blogs think they know shit about music, while this blog actually knows shit abut music.
Other blogs __________________, while this blog _________________________.

A serious attempt

I died in
a dream in
the early
morning:
slow heat and
thrashing grasps at
consciousness, like
age 6

swimming lessons. I
woke up wondering
if I was
waking
up, a deep

breath effort to
slow my heart rate. The
sun was still
low so I
drifted
off to summer
camp, Wendy's, and Coca-Cola

sleep.

The California Fire Fell On Me.

As we drove to the Northwest corner of the state for some delicious camp action, we inadvertantly drove into the fire that is consuming almost all of the entire west coast of the United States of California's beautiful natural resources (tree). And then the fire fell on us when we drove under it. Here is a picture of the offending flames:

Moments after this picture was taken, a hail of molten stone and flaming sticks rained upon our vehicle and further deepened my lifelong fear of fireworks. If you come across these flames, please notify the authorities. The rest of the trip can be summed up thusly...

blah blah blah redwoods blah blah blah coastline blah blah blah swimming in natural whirlpool blah blah blah campfire blah blah blah alcoholic campsite neighbors arguing until 4 am blah blah blah mountains blah blah blah and then this happened:

Apparently D. has butts on his knee.

Nalgene Haiku

If I drink enough
Water, my veins will become
Encased in plastic.

Vegetable Curry Ingredients Ranked in Various Orders

In Order of Enjoyment:
1. Fried Tofu Squares
2. Baby Corns
3. Carrots
3. Red Peppers
5. Cauliflower
6. Bamboo Shoots

In Order of Origin Proximity (Closest to Farthest):
1. Carrots
2. Tofu
3. Cauliflower
4. Red Peppers
5. Bamboo Shoots
6. Baby Corns

According to the Light Spectrum:
1. Cauliflower, Tofu, and Bamboo Shoot (tie, entire spectrum)
2. Red Peppers
3. Carrots
4. Baby Corns

In Order of Preparation Time (Most to Least):
1. Fried Tofu Squares
2. Red Peppers
3. Carrots
4. Cauliflower
5. Baby Corns
6. Bamboo Shoots

Supplemental Ingredients (Alphabetical Order):
1. Curry Sauce, Homemade
2. Rice, Brown

Cinnamon

When I get cinnamon stuck in my throat, I cough and cough and cough. Then I think about how to market myself to those who market Bud Light. I think my music could really sell their product and vice versa.

In the meantime, I'm on the edge of my seat about the next Food network star, I'm on the edge of my seat for the next page of a book though. Though.

You Know What Pisses Me Off?

Sodas these days. Used to be that when a soda was having a contest and you opened the soda, you had like a one in eight chance of winning a free soda. Free. No questions asked. Twenty MFing ounces. Bam. Nowdays, you take the top off a soda and its like, "Hmm there is a chance you may have possibly won. Type this code as well as your identity into our mainframe database computer intrnet site and we'll let you know." OK?? Now say you do that all and low and behold you are a freaking winner. YOU HAVE NOT WON. You only have received a voucher for a buy one frickin' get one free 20 ozer. That's not winning. That's a coupon. So Diet Pepsi, if you're reading this, you can shove your contest up your cola-infested ass, OK? OK!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

But seriously, if you put Indiana Jones on a bottle of soda, I WILL BUY IT.

In an Effort to Increase my Popularity, I've Decided

1. My name will now be my first initial and a shortened, more Americanized version of my last name.

2. My vocal inflections with be a subtle allusion to civil rights leader Martin Luther King Jr.

3. To record, release, and deny my consent to a sex tape.

4. To produce my reality television in the "Bravo style."

5. To no longer wear a helmet.

6. My Second Life character will own an in ground pool and wear a robe.

7. To double the amount of calls to my five.

Blog about Suckers

Hello Suckers.
And welcome to this blog. This is my first attempt at blogging not on myspace so be nice OK?!? Goddamnit, there is politics in this blog. POLITICS