Remember Dance Punk?

The Best Albums of the 00s

After extensive thought and research, I bring to you the following lists for the past decade, which technically ends next year (00s is pronounced "the zeros" or "the ooo's"):

THE Album of the '00s

"The Grey Album" by Danger Mouse: I am not purporting that this album was the best of the 00's, or that I even particularly like it (I don't dislike it by any means). However, like disco defined the 70s and grunge defined the 90s, the mashup is the genre that will define the 00s, good or bad. I do not have the authority to say this was the first "mashup" album. It did, though, bring the genre to the forefront. Nirvana's "Nevermind" was by no means the first "grunge" album, but it definitely defines the genre, and the decade for that matter. "The Grey Album" is quintessentially oos: its a mashup, it was made by one person with a computer, it had no official release but got huge over the Internet. How could this not be the album of the decade?



The Top 13 Albums of the 00s
The following selections are what I consider to be the best albums of the 00s. It was culled from the albums that iTunes added to the smart playlist I created with the perameters "year greater than 1999." If, for some reason, a really great 00s album did not come up in that playlist, it did not make my list. I consider this a very 00s way of narrowing the field. The selections are ranked...#1 is my favorite album of the oos, etc. Lets do this:

1. "The College Dropout" by Kanye West: There are those who claim that there was not good music made this decade. Those people do not listen to hip hop. Rap music in particular made tremendous leaps in the past 10 years, and Kanye West was responsible for more than a few of them. Though all of his albums have been my favorite for a certain time, his debut is still the standout. There is not an unlistenable track on this album. Lyrically, Kanye takes a decidedly un-Gangta and un-Pop Star approach to otherwise cliched subject matter (the latter of which changed for the second half of his output).

2. "A Ghost Is Born" by Wilco: Yes, "Yankee Hotel Foxtrot" is the obvious choice, but in terms of not compromising listenability for experimentation, this is the Wilco album for me. Unforgiving guitar solos, well crafted songs, kraut rock marathons. If it wasn't for "I'm A Wheel," this album would be at the top of my list.





3. "Hell Hath No Fury" by Clipse: From the opening track's stuttering accordion and vato sample, "Hell Hath No Fury" is unrelenting. Pharell's minimalism accents the fury (to use an obvious adjective) of the coke-dealers-turned-rappers' lyrics.







4. "The Hill" by Richard Buckner: 15 or so songs, but only one track. Minimal instrumentation. 0 dollars spent on recording. Poems from Edgar Lee Masters's "Spoon River Anthology" serve as lyrics. Cigaratte-scarred, baritone vocals. I am in love with the sizzle of the tape-hiss shaker percussion. When this album starts, I must listen until its over. Already a dinosaur in the age of iPod shuffles.





5. "Yoyoyoyoyoyoyoyo" by Spank Rock: The Baltimore duo's only full length record is, from start to finish, one dirty, dirty dance party. The beats and music sound like 2 Live Crew played from a digital wrist watch. The lyrics make me blush. Seriously.








OK. I'm running out of things to say. Here's the rest with minimal BS.

6. "Madvilliany" by Madvillian: Madlib + MF Doom + supervillian samples = ilistenalot









7. "Kala" by M.I.A.: Repeating the same lyrics over beats stolen from Brazilian favelas turned out to be a great idea.










8. "Jesu" by Jesu: What metal needed was more New Agey synthesizer leads.










9. "McLusky Do Dallas" by McLusky: Steps to success: 1. Rip off the Pixies 2. Rip off the Jesus Lizard 3. Write absurdly sexual lyrics 4. Be from Wales.







10. "Who Will Cut Our Hair When We're Gone?" by the Unicorns: Fey pop with lots of synths and hooks.









11. "808s and Heartbreak" by Kanye West: Kanye somehow makes all the horrible trends in late 00s pop sound good. Artist of the decade?









12. "Ys" by Joanna Newsom: The first time I heard Joanna sing, I thought, "At least her songs aren't 17 minutes long." Then she made Ys and I was all, "DAMN!"







13. "Unhistories" by Singer: Former U.S. Maple members let non-U.S. Maple members pretend like they're in U.S. Maple. The results? Better than U.S. Maple.

The Best Music of 2009

In the early fall, Anna and I went down to SF to see a show at the Great American Music Hall. There were two bands on the ball I was interested in seeing: WHY?, the headliner and object of my obsession for the past year or two, and Serengeti, the Chicago-based rapper responsible for my tendancy to call the Chicago-based grocery store "Jules" as Chicago-ed out as possible. Prior to the show, I was told by my friend Ed that one of the two other bands playing, Mount Eerie, had recently moved away from noisy indie rock and folk for a try at black metal. Needless to say, I was intrigued.

So...we got to the show about 15 minutes before the official start time, wanting to make sure we did not miss 'Geti in his opening slot. But as we walk in, the fourth and previously-unmentioned-in-this-blog-because-of their-mediocrity band AU began playing, though they were listed to play second on the bill. "Bah, they must have told these guise go on before Serengeti," I said to myself. (I speak to myself in a Chicago accent.) But 40 minutes later, Mount Eerie sets up. Serengeti had been forced to play before the official start of the show. I was mad.

So...Mount Eerie had two drummers, one of whom played a massive gong as if it were a ride. The set was devastating. They essentially played the "Wind's Poem" album, but I did not know this because I had not heard it. Sheets of impossibly fast noise subsided for Phil Elvrum's plaintiff singing. And then more pummeling. I realized that the only reason I don't listen to more black metal is the horrible and ridiculous singers.

Then WHY? played, and the room full of teenagers began moshing to a set Yoni's lyrics about deviant sex and suicide.

Anyways, it turns out that my three favorite albums of 2009 were from bands at this show, which means I'm still sour over the fact that I missed Serengeti.

Here's an incomplete list:

1. "Wind's Poem" by Mount Eerie--Black metal and sad bastard singing go perfect together.

2. "Eskimo Snow" by WHY?--Whiny rapper turned into whiny pop star

3. "Pterodactyl" by Serengeti and Polyphonic--Lazy schizophrenic rapping over beats made from spare change in the future.

4. All those Crystal Shards albums--They are good. Call Ed to burn them.

5. & 6. "Merriweather Post Pavilion" by Animal Collective and "Bitte Orca" by Dirty Projectors--Thanks, NPR!

7. Jesu vinyl reissues--Finally the "Heartache," "Pale Sketches," and "Lifeline" are available. I'm pretty sure they were not reissued this year, but I don't care. I spent a night paralyzed by these records.

this blog is fiction, this principle haiku

minor concussion
due to a direct hit by
a taco salad

Words that come out of my mouth that make me hate me

There are few things more grating to my ears (and that simultaneously feel more comfortable flowing from my tongue) than beginning an anecdote with, "I heard this thing on NPR the other day...", but goddamn if RadioLab is not one of the best things I got going right now (besides regular, interpersonal human contact, of course). Equal parts science and psychedelia, RadioLab approaches the "This American Life" concept of a one-theme-per-show/tangential-story thing like Sun-Ra would have, had he become a radio loser instead of a drug addict. Oh, and its by far the most well-produced show on the radio right now--so much so that until just recently, I did not even realize it was science-themed. I thought it was called "RadioLab" because of how they experiment with the format of a radio talk show. Sadly, it comes on randomly on the NPRs we have here in the valley closest to the West Coast, but in this age of podcast, I listen on MY schedule. The "11 Meditations on the Afterlife" episode is not to be missed.

Postscript: I considered following the "I heard this thing on NPR the other day..." part of this blog with this sentence: But I guess its unavoidable when a Facebook poll tells you that 100% of your friends are Democrats. It was at that point that I realized (a) there is a way to start an anecdote that is slightly MORE grating than talking about NPR and (b) what a total effing nerd I am.

Rise, rock.

Its like sometimes like I hear it and I'm paralyzed. Its like I'm frozen like in one of the layers like and I can't break free of it and don't want to. But then I try and try and try to and am stuck there like like like I am want be equal parts stuck and unstuck stuck again and again. This is what what happens when I listen too close. Like this part is crunch doom and this part is chiming sad and this one is slow pounding. Like where would you want to get stuck??? None and all none and all none and all.

In other news, the caps lock keeps turning on mysteriously, causing me to delete and rewrite and wonder if I'm erasing pure gold never to be recreated; the dog has found a ball he thinks is his baby; the new monolith is made of cardboard; and we have passed to the other side of air conditioner season.

Shhhhhhiiiiiit

Its been a long time since blogging, but you know what fuckers? I am back. With cursing. Assholes.

Two quick notes on Music

1. Maybe I'm way behind here but the hobnox audiotool is the best thing ever. If you have not clicked and visited yet, the tool simulates the TR-808, TR-909, and TB-303, as well as a sine wave sequencer and a battery of effects. So much time wasted thusfar.

2. Deerhunter's "Cryptograms" is such a better album than "Microcastles." There is not even an argument.

Sometimes I blog things so I don't forget them.

The only thing you need to know in order to write a good story is that those deep, dark fears and insecurities and loathings you keep tucked away deep down are actually universal truths.

Thanks for making my day, Spike Lee Haiku

humanity be-
low Sewer Pipe geysering--
10 ft. high. Risen.

Writing

Usually going back and reading things I wrote years ago induces vomiting for me. But last night, as I was planning my poetry unit for my Sophomores, I went back and took a look at some things, "poems" if you will, that I'd saved; and I have to say, they were not that bad. Actually made me wish I had stuck to the writing thing. Oh well.

Late Work

I am hungrier than usual in this early afternoon, and will therefore consume untainted peanut butter and an apple ahead of its time. I am currently unsure how this ripple in the day's normal course of events may disrupt the path of our collective lives, so brace yourself. If, all of a sudden, your car breaks down on a large bridge with a tendancy to sway in the wind and if that breakdown causes you to miss a crucial job interview and that missed job interview results in your continued unemployment, which causes your husband/wife to no longer look at you as a pillar of strength and stability and instead you are now viewed as a worm a leach a burden and you can't stand it any more you just can't stand it but there's nothing you can do and you wake up one morning to find your husband/wife has become a note, a piece of paper on a pillow with "i'm sorry" written in a hurry and you are never the same again you age and turn grey alone, you keep a journal on those bedsheets you woke in and your house and health disintegrate until you are forgotten and inside. If that happens, blame the apple. If you find some cash today, you're welcome.

The Jazz/Metal Double Standard

Being the music snob that I am, I've been known to scoff at so-called jazz clubs that essentially function as amusement park rides. On a given night, you can go to one of these clubs and be transported back 90 years: the bartender is old and crotchety, there's velvet on the walls, the sea-scallop booths are overly puffy. The music sounds old, but the people playing aren't. This place and these people playing this music from the past are amazing recreationists, but that's all. There is not much difference in my mind between a jazz club like this and the Hall of Presidents at Disney World--you go in and it seems real. It seems like Abraham Lincoln standing there talking to you until to you stop and think for a second that its 2009, and Lincoln's dead and bop and swing have not been revolutionary musical genres for decades. They are robots recreating a time and place, a museum piece that neglects to mention all the changes since, an amusement park ride to the past. There is no acknowledgement of the present, of change, and it makes me scoff.

That said, I was out running around my neighborhood today, and my mp3 player shuffled to Mastadon. As my pace increased and my fists started jabbing the air along to the song, I realized a double standard I have created. Mastadon is (for at least 2 albums) my favorite modern metal band. And yet, I realized, they are really just recreationists as well. They sound like the bands I grew up listening to...in essence they are a pre-Black Album Metallica band in a Reload world. In a lot of ways, Mastadon fails to recognize the changes that have taken place in their genre, they are the presidents in Disney's Hall of Metal amusement.

Does this mean I'm going to stop listening to Mastadon? Nope. Nor will I start going to "jazz" clubs. I'm just sayin.

Painted New Daily Haiku

The sky driving home--
Sunmelt oozes through clouds like
grilled cheese goop dripping.

I Can't Change What I Don't Own.

This formidable stack will only grow.

Advanced Medspa Accepts Most Insurances.

Find this pen in your bag and take it out. It is MAGIC when you write. MAGIC--mysterious and complete! On paper it moves makes bodily fluids seems beautiful in arches and swoops. Find this pen in your bag and write this word: Indeterminate. At this moment, THIS moment now, right now...At this moment you are living and at this moment you are in flight.

All the words at once, all the words of this moment only make sense together. All the words at once, only read together will make sense. All the words at
once: Tyler
Perry notebook
out we
can do
it lit
book vocabulary
wall of
inspiration the
dream that
god has
given you
homework test
Monday support
agenda do
your best
exit route
these pants
can change
the world.

Six Good Albums of 2008 Haiku

WHY?-Alopecia
Over-listened to
in '08, so Anna says
to turn it off now.

A Silver Mt. Zion-13 Blues for Thirteen Moons
One million died to
make whining sound powerful
again. (Nice haircut.)

Kanye West-808s and Heartbreak
Every morning, I
wake up and make a Robo
Cop sound effect: Vreeet.

The Streets-Everything Is Borrowed
Philosophy and
ecology tips from a
Limey drug dealer.

High Places-s/t
I never realized
Indian people looked like
hipsters from Brooklyn

Sun Kil Moon-April
If Mark would turn the
vocals down and the solos
up, it would slay me.

Solicitation of Band Names

If you had a band, what would you call it? Here's the start of a list:

1. Stubble Field
2. Iraq Z
3. Thee Continental
4. Thee Three
5. Change Pants

Please add to this list with far better suggestions thank you.