That Really Scared Me Haiku

The black widow had
spun its nest on the ironing
board I just picked up.

Other Blogs

Other blogs spew lies, while this blog basks in truth.
Other blogs are poorly written, while this blog's turns of phrase are subtle and sophisticated.
Other blogs are weighted with bias, while this blog soars freely through the airy breeze of objectivity.
Other blogs stoop to personal attacks, while this blog empowers all who read it.
Other blogs perpetuate the myth of the American Dream, while this blog fights for equity.
Other blogs are dudes, while this blog is a guy.
Other blogs examine the theories behind robots, while this blog just likes robots.
Other blogs stop off for fast food on the way home, while this blog relishes in preparing and serving home-cooked meals.
Other blogs are unsympathetic, while this blog always puts itself in others' shoes.
Other blogs are uncaring, while this blog is sensitive.
Other blogs knowingly and willfully embezzle funds from public welfare programs, while this blog is fiscally and socially responsible.
Other blog smell their hands, while this blog refrains from such activities.
Other blogs teach, while this blog learns.
Other blogs prefer energy drinks, while this blog abuses coffee and yerba mate.
Other blogs say yerba "ma-tay," while this blog says yerba "mate."
Other blogs lack focus, while this blog is poignant and concise.
Other blogs are preemptive, while this blog values diplomacy.
Other blogs are political, while this blog concerns itself with the daily goings-on of average existence.
Other blogs think they know shit about music, while this blog actually knows shit abut music.
Other blogs __________________, while this blog _________________________.

A serious attempt

I died in
a dream in
the early
morning:
slow heat and
thrashing grasps at
consciousness, like
age 6

swimming lessons. I
woke up wondering
if I was
waking
up, a deep

breath effort to
slow my heart rate. The
sun was still
low so I
drifted
off to summer
camp, Wendy's, and Coca-Cola

sleep.

The California Fire Fell On Me.

As we drove to the Northwest corner of the state for some delicious camp action, we inadvertantly drove into the fire that is consuming almost all of the entire west coast of the United States of California's beautiful natural resources (tree). And then the fire fell on us when we drove under it. Here is a picture of the offending flames:

Moments after this picture was taken, a hail of molten stone and flaming sticks rained upon our vehicle and further deepened my lifelong fear of fireworks. If you come across these flames, please notify the authorities. The rest of the trip can be summed up thusly...

blah blah blah redwoods blah blah blah coastline blah blah blah swimming in natural whirlpool blah blah blah campfire blah blah blah alcoholic campsite neighbors arguing until 4 am blah blah blah mountains blah blah blah and then this happened:

Apparently D. has butts on his knee.

Nalgene Haiku

If I drink enough
Water, my veins will become
Encased in plastic.

Vegetable Curry Ingredients Ranked in Various Orders

In Order of Enjoyment:
1. Fried Tofu Squares
2. Baby Corns
3. Carrots
3. Red Peppers
5. Cauliflower
6. Bamboo Shoots

In Order of Origin Proximity (Closest to Farthest):
1. Carrots
2. Tofu
3. Cauliflower
4. Red Peppers
5. Bamboo Shoots
6. Baby Corns

According to the Light Spectrum:
1. Cauliflower, Tofu, and Bamboo Shoot (tie, entire spectrum)
2. Red Peppers
3. Carrots
4. Baby Corns

In Order of Preparation Time (Most to Least):
1. Fried Tofu Squares
2. Red Peppers
3. Carrots
4. Cauliflower
5. Baby Corns
6. Bamboo Shoots

Supplemental Ingredients (Alphabetical Order):
1. Curry Sauce, Homemade
2. Rice, Brown