survivor update

 i know the rhythms now. how the challenge music the afterchallenge interview to commercial foreshadows whats to come. it does not stop me of course.

and of course i consider if i could do it. i think so i think. i think physically at least. because i'd know that they would not let me die. as hard as it gets no one is dying on primetime cbs. my downfall would be speaking to other people. opening up and whatnot. building trust.

when i moved here to california i tried to play in bands with strangers. i found exactly two people i liked to play with but when we tried to expand and get a second guitar player they never worked out. they always complained to the others that i hated them. i guess i did. not as humans of course. just as guitarists. but like that's important right? not having a shitty guitarist in your band?

i did not drive home one night with one of them. we had booked a show in stockton somehow and we sounded great except guitarist 2 of course. but we had taken two cars and i drove back with the drummer and most of the gear. the two guitarists drove back together. guitarist 2, the one who thought i hated him as a person even though i just hated him as a guitarist, was considerably intoxicated and apparently spouting off about how the smashing pumpkins were the shit. the drummer and i got taco bell drive thru. he wanted to use the bathroom but the restaurant part of the taco bell was already closed. so he peed on the door. i would choose this person over guitarist 2 one hundred times out of one hundred.

pee pee door drummer moved to another state. guitarist 1 i think got sick of how many people hated me. i play in a band by myself now.

and i am no longer sure what this has to do with survivor